tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65265694343682292522024-03-16T00:08:50.281-07:00AashayeinAashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.comBlogger271125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-31176934916273937752019-11-18T09:00:00.001-08:002019-11-18T09:00:05.583-08:00The art of listening<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
While in school, we were told to carefully listen what the other person or the teacher is reading so that questions could be answered in the best possible manner. In debates, we were told to carefully listen to what the opponent is stating and carve the argument around it. During college, the listening was majorly to get the notes done and complete the assignment. <p>
All our childhood and adulthood, the whole agenda around listening was to give the ‘correct’ answer…to get ahead of the race and prove our point right. The point is, we never learned to just listen. We never really learned the whole idea of listening is not just to give the correct answer but to understand a point. <p>
This reflects in every conversation we have today. We have no patience to listen to anyone…not even our heart. Imagine a situation when one of you friend calls you and venting out about his/her work environment. And before even that poor thing is done venting out, you have already started with all the gyaan you have. What we don’t understand is that person might not have called you for your unsolicited gyaan but he/she just might need a friend who could just listen. So why can’t we just god-damn listen?<p>
So the next time, someone call you or text you….maybe just listen to them?
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-47948713762129535462019-11-16T20:44:00.003-08:002019-11-16T20:44:47.569-08:00Modern Relationship- of Love and Infidelity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The other day, sitting with friends, we started discussing about relationships and infidelity. The question came up from one of the episodes of Modern love where the female protagonist, being in a relationship, slept with her ex. She came back and confessed it to her boyfriend saying it didn’t mean anything to her. The male protagonist walked out of the relationship right then, only to realise it years later that his one true love was that girl only. <p>
Now, the question is, was it worth it? Spending all those years away from the one he really loved because for him, physical infidelity meant more than emotional one. <p>
One of the friends said that if his wife sleeps with someone else and it doesn’t mean anything to her emotionally, he will talk it out. He’ll be angry, sure, but he will not give up years of building and nurturing that relationship. However, if she is not emotionally attached to the relationship or gets involve with someone emotionally, that’s the end of it. <p>
For some people, I believe, emotional infidelity breaks the core of relationship. There is no coming back from it. And I think, it’s right as well. If a person is not emotionally attached to you anymore, which happens sometimes, there is no point holding on to that relationship. That person has nothing more to give to you and has given up on the very idea of companionship. You could come back from the physical infidelity..because deep down you know your partner still feel for you only…the love is not lost. But once love is lost..what’s the point dragging it when you know ultimately it’s all going to be end soon. <p>
In today’s world, the world of millennials as we would like to call, it has become easier to look out for options outside marriage. Though there is no excuse for it, but I think people already have it pretty difficult in the work life and personal life, they just think that if just talking to someone makes their heart feel a little at ease, what’s the harm? Only to realise it later, that every person comes with a baggage and sometimes the lines get blurred. This is where the problem starts from.<p>
There is no definition of right and wrong. It’s just life and things happen. The only question is, what you are ready to forgive and what is the end of it all for you! <p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-34608646507897035202019-07-02T07:16:00.000-07:002019-07-02T07:16:01.162-07:00Toxic<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If I could get a chance<br>
to have my heart broken by you yet again<br>
I would do it, all over again<br>
Just so I could hear your voice<br>
and run my fingers through your hair<br>
feel the warmth of your words<br>
<I>yes, that's how toxic you are....darling</I>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-40057332496931423922019-06-25T10:28:00.002-07:002019-06-25T10:48:05.129-07:00He<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7AMOz7J3F2k/XRJZnjBDH3I/AAAAAAAABA4/dIZaQyof18wtTDh7asP3b1iEgXmWD-pJQCLcBGAs/s1600/65224411_1296606007168609_8519948469278867456_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7AMOz7J3F2k/XRJZnjBDH3I/AAAAAAAABA4/dIZaQyof18wtTDh7asP3b1iEgXmWD-pJQCLcBGAs/s320/65224411_1296606007168609_8519948469278867456_n.jpg" width="277" height="320" data-original-width="750" data-original-height="867" /></a></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-52706095989869174042019-06-24T08:40:00.001-07:002019-06-24T08:41:17.578-07:00October Morning<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It was like October Morning<br>
Neither too warm nor too cold<br>
Just felt perfect, felt just right<br>
The mild fragrance that makes your soul smile<br>
And covering your body like a morning dew <br>
Just like how October morning feels,<br>
On your skin, on your heart and on your soul <br>
Neither too warm, nor too cold<p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-16850931140869792852019-06-20T10:07:00.000-07:002019-06-20T10:07:01.085-07:00A ruthless man<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
She told me stories about all the man she dated before she met her husband. One night when we were drunk and sharing secrets, she shared a story of one such man. A man who was ruthless, cold, selfish but enigmatic. Man, with beautiful words but a heartbreaker. She told me how this man would write poems for her and sweep her off her feet with his sensuous sense of humour. How he would make her heart beat faster and make her feel things that are too sinful to even talk about. She was crazy about him. Not in love though. But obsessed and crazy. He’ll make her dream and tell her how she is the centre of his world. He’d tell her his darkest dreams and secrets he claimed he never shared with anyone else. She longed for him. Day and Night. But he was like a rainbow to her, as she told me. She could adore him, dream about him even fantasize about him but never able touch him. But this man had a fragile ego and toxic arrogance. So, one day, he left her. Sulking, broken and appalled. It took her months to accept that he was really gone. And so, she started getting back to her normal life. Except one day, when he came back, only to destroy her more. I wondered, what made her accept him again after what he had done to her. But she smiled and said, it was the comfort and the familiarity. But I knew…it was his words. And since then, he kept leaving and coming back until one day when he told her he loved her. But as fragile as his ego was and as ruthless a person he was, he left again. This time, she couldn’t sleep for days….couldn’t stop her tears. This time she hated him but longed for him even more. This time her heart ached like never before and her mind couldn’t stop thinking about his voice, his words. This time, she was lost and hoped that he comes back. But deep inside her heart, she knew, this was the last time. He is never coming back again.
<p>
<i>When I think about it, about all those poems and those words he wrote for her, were they actually for her? How many women is his life must be smiling with the thought that those words are meant for only them? How many hearts he must have broken? How void that person would be to have left so many times without even saying goodbye? And how cold his heart must have been to break one heart so many times?</i>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-48352379338064206782019-05-28T23:56:00.001-07:002019-05-30T02:01:15.558-07:00The Leaving and Coming back<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It was the familiarity, I believe, that dragged her back to that vicious circle every time. How do you explain going back to the place that has hurt you so much each time? And yet, there was this force, the comfort, the words that draws her back to it. <p>
He always said that whenever they talk, it’s like talking to a mirror. She was his mirror. Though, she never believed him. He was a flirt. Has always been a flirt. In all these years, nothing has really changed. Yet, in between the thousands of lines he said, somewhere he made her believe that. Made her believe that she has a different place in his life. That she is not like the other girls he flirts with and later tell her about them. She knew better but still believed him. Not for long though. Maybe for few minutes…for couple of nights. <p>
The ‘leaving’ and ‘coming back’ has been a part of their weird relationship. Or whatever you call it. They talk, they leave, and they come back. She’ll ask hundreds of questions. He, very cleverly, answers the one he wants to and deviate the other he doesn’t want to talk about. She always knew. But he always said that she is his mirror.<p>
I wonder, what makes two people be this close yet never been able to be actually there, you know. The invisible walls and the never-said words. The fear of getting hurt and the undefined ego.The leaving and coming back. Always leaving and coming back.<p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-16323931915194936212019-04-22T09:02:00.003-07:002019-04-22T09:02:57.090-07:00Of Life and second chances!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If life gives you a chance to go back in life and change one thing, what would you change? A question asked frequently and most of us answer that we won’t. We will not change anything as what we are today is because of the choices we made in the past. They might be not the best, but they certainly made us grow and live. <p>
But deep down, we all know, that it’s not true. There is always this one decision we would want to change. Or ask for a second chance for something. But I wonder, would it help? Would it make any difference? We are not in the same situation as we were then. Time, circumstances…nothing is same today. So even if we do get a second chance, would we be able to make a better decision? Or who will define what is ‘better’? Maybe where we are today is actually a ‘better’ place. Maybe what we thought might have been good for us, would have been a disaster. Or maybe, our life could have been completely different for better. But who knows?<p>
I mean imagine, someone left you in pain years back. What would you change about it? Not meeting that person at all, knowing you will end up hurting? What about all the good times you might have shared with that person? Would you overlook that? <p>
Or the person you thought could have been your best choice but he/she might have ended up hurting you more. How would you know?<p>
Or what about that job you declined and regret it today? Or the person you didn’t meet coz you thought it was not meant to be. Or the friendship you.<p>
It’s a tricky question, changing that one thing. Isn’t?
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-48134650413073963022019-02-07T01:13:00.000-08:002019-02-07T01:13:05.888-08:00Mid week rant!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I find it strange that the things that used to infused so much energy in me means so little to me today. Or rather, I feel indifferent to them. When I see my old pictures, I couldn’t recognize myself. There was so much of enthusiasm and zeal to try new things, getting dressed up, going out, going to different events or even being consistent with going for a night walk every day. Today, I feel so lazy and lethargic just thinking about them. I am not sure if a phase or I am just being sheer lazy. Whatever it is, I hope it passes soon. I hated monotony in life. I still do. But today, I just don’t have the strength to do something about it. <p>
I feel I am in a that phase of my life where I have no interest in meeting new people and find it really hard being in constant connection with the old ones. Though, to be honest, I think most of the people feels the same at a certain age, because process of connecting with the old ones have become so organic that even after talking for months, there is no effort I need to put to make things work. Though, I have only a handful of friends which I can call ‘old-friends’, but I am glad I have them. <p>
On a similar note, the winters in Delhi are just not in the mood to leave. Maybe, this is also one of the reasons to my laziness. Other one is definitely the ‘work from home’ culture I am living in. I hate it. But there is nothing I can do about it. I don’t remember when the last time was, when I got ready during a weekday to go out. Life is pretty much stuck in weekends. <p>
What do we do to feel young again? What do we do to break the monotony? And what do we do to make our mind and heart play in sync?<p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-33836367486486860112019-01-23T04:05:00.001-08:002019-01-23T04:05:43.119-08:00Kindness and Gratitude<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
How often do you feel the need to get appreciated by others? Just a simple compliment like ‘Good work today’ or ‘You have such a lovely smile’ or a thing as simple as ‘I really liked talking to you today’ People trusting you with their heart and letting you know. <p>
In this world of hatred and demeaning others, how often do you take a minute and appreciate someone? I don’t feel I do it as often as I should, and I don’t think we all do it that frequently as we criticise others. <p>
One of my previous organisation’s partner told me once that I will go to places with my dedication and hard work, both personally and professionally. And years back, one of my mentors once mentioned to me that I am made for better things in life. I never gave it a thought then because I never felt the need of it. I was doing kind of okay in my life. But years later, today, when I doubt myself and fear the uncertainty of future, these words echo in my mind and my god…what power words have over us! They give me confidence and courage to fight the tough circumstances. But this was about the professional front. <p>
What about our personal lives? No matter how much we ignore what the world has to say about us…but somehow…in the middle of the night….the demon crawls into our mind and subtly let us doubt ourselves and our motives. And I feel…at that point of time…what could really help our troubled mind are the kind words uttered to us by the people around us. People we care for. People who matters. And sometimes, people who doesn’t matter at all. Yes, kind words have the power so strong that it could drag you out of that shithole you have been drowning yourself into. <p>
So, what’s the challenge then? The challenge is that…we don’t tell people how great and wonderful they are. We don’t appreciate the work they do. We don’t tell them that they we are grateful of their existence and that they are doing great. We hesitate to say the good words but doesn’t blink an eye in making fun of them. And that is what is missing in this world. Gratitude. Kindness. And words to uplift each other. <p>
Let’s stop for a minute and appreciate someone…anyone..everyday. Known…stranger…doesn’t matter. Show kindness people. This world really could use some. <p>
P.S: I am no saint. I am guilty too of not appreciating or complimenting people around me. I hope, with this year, I could try to be a better person :)
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-14011074022623724062018-12-17T06:25:00.000-08:002018-12-17T06:26:10.964-08:00Things I loved about Mrs Maisel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I admit, I binged watched The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel in a week. For those who doesn’t know, it is an American drama based on the story of Miriam Maisel, a Jewish woman living at the upper westside of Manhattan. The drama takes you to the colourful period of 1958 and has been shot beautifully. I will not get into the details but one thing, that she changed her life and learned her worth when her husband left her for another woman. <p>
I really liked the series and would urge all the wonderful women out there to watch it. I try to learn something from everything I watch and the three things I loved and learned about this series are:<p>
<b>1) Only looking beautiful and cooking will not make your marriage work</b>:<p>
Though the series is based in 1958, but nothing much has changed in terms of thinking of our women. From a very young age, woman still is made to believe that we must look beautiful for our man and the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. To be honest, I find it really appalling. Mrs Maisel, kept her best figure even after having two kids. She would measure all her body every day and keeps a journal to record it. She would work out and keep a track of calories to be fit and in shape. She would pretend to sleep and once her husband is off to sleep, she would put her curlers on, remove her fake eye lashes, put off her make-up and put on some beauty cream only to put it all back the next morning before her husband is awake. She would cook the best of meal and pat the male ego of her husband. <p>
And Ladies, so much effort and her husband left her for his secretory. <p>
I am not saying that looking good, taking care of yourself, cooking food for your family is wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong in it. But you must be very clear that you are doing this not only to keep the ‘Man’ happy. It is important that you keep your own identity while making your family happy. And remember, it is not always your responsibility to keep the family going. It is a journey where there are two drivers. Yourself and your partner. It’s ok to look like shit if you are not in a mood. It’s okay to share responsibilities with your partner. We as a woman really needs to start understanding that our existence doesn’t need anybody else’s approval and we should be happy in our own definition. <p>
<b>2) It’s never too late to be independent</b><p>
One thing that is of utmost important for us is to be independent. And when I say independent, I mean in every aspect. In making our own decisions, doing what we love, taking care of your own expenses, wearing what we like…the list goes on. I cannot emphasis enough on how much confident and powerful you will feel when you start having your own income. You don’t have to be an MBA or an Engineer to work. Do anything you want, earn whatever you could but start from somewhere. It gives you immense freedom. Do not be dependent on your spouse or your parents. The moment you will start earning your own money, no matter how small, you will start valuing it. You will feel more empowered. And you will know your worth. <p>
What started as a banter in a pub for Mrs Maisel became her obsession and her path to be seen as what she was best at. She learned her worth. She learned she is more than those kitchens and beauty salons. And she took whatever came to her way. She took all the lemons that life threw at her and what a lemonade she made from them! <p>
Remember, people will always tell you otherwise. They will always expect you to be in a mould that they have come from. But you have to find your own path. You do not have to look for support from anyone except yourself. People often misjudge independence as arrogance. But these are the people who have never tasted a tequila of their own money 😊 Marriage should be gender independent. Make it work with your own rules and not with what society has to say. <p>
<b>3) Get out of your comfort zone</b><p>
Till you were not married, your parents were doing everything for you. After your marriage, your spouse is making your life easy. Where is the challenge in this? What did you learn living a life like this? Did you manage to broaden your perspective? Did you learn what this world has to offer? Will you ever be able to tell a story of the things you did outside of your comfort zone?
Mrs Maisel, who has always lived a lush plush life, stayed at filthy motels, spent her night in a car, travelled alone (without family) for the very first time and came out victorious. She got out of her comfort zone and learned so much that her previous life could never teach her. <p>
Ladies, there is so much in this world to learn and explore. So many things to experience that will only make you grow and broaden your perspective towards life. Saying that <i>‘I never had to worry for anything because my parents and husband is taking care of everything’</i> is not something to be proud of. It only shows your weakness. Go out, learn new things, face the challenges that life has to throw and come out strong. You will never learn anything great in life if you are constantly living in your comfort zone. There is no struggle greater that getting out of that cocoon and there is no greater learning when you take things in your own hand. <p>
<i>I could go on with the list, but I will stop here. The whole point of writing this piece down is to understand how important it is to know your worth and not living by anyone else’s definition. Don’t hesitate to put that foot down and make a life of your own. Be fierce, Be independent and be humble. </i>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-4199207660010124872018-12-11T04:20:00.000-08:002018-12-11T04:20:00.327-08:00So much for the care...Hello December :)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
August was the month I last wrote. Not technically as I have been writing bits and pieces here and there…just not posting them on a public platform. And I have been thinking that this was my biggest writers block, again not technically. <p>
So I think, the reason I stopped or didn’t actually want to post anything on my blog is because I started caring too much. Caring about not hurting anyone with my words or caring that my so-called friends wouldn’t approve, or I may offend someone. And I cared too much. And my friends, what did I get in return? Yes, you guessed it right. I got offense and least of care from the same people. They said things and never cared how I might feel. They told me how I am not capable of doing things let alone appreciating anything I do. They judged and judged without any consideration and I kept getting hurt. But you know, sometimes, you have to draw the line yourself<p>
So here I am today, in December of 2018, thinking how I have lost touch from my own self and cared too much for people who doesn’t deserve an ounce of my care. And I realized, I deserve better than these judgemental friends and relatives whose only highlight of the day is to be mean with others and making fun of them. And mind you, these are the people who themselves are not in a very happy state of mind. How I know? Their plastic smiles and the urge to show the world how better they are from others. <p>
So my friends, in this cozy evening of December, I am planning to do whatever the hell I want to do and write anything and everything that crosses my mind. Well not everything of course :P But I am hoping to be more active in reading and writing, irrespective of the audience. I am hoping to talk more with my friends and travel more. I am hoping to develop new hobbies and more solo coffee dates. I am hoping to bring back the real and genuine people in my life and putting the fakes at their place. <p>
And no, this is not a new year resolution. Take this as<i> ‘jab jago tab savera’.</i>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-396913525809621362018-08-06T02:06:00.001-07:002018-08-06T02:06:20.193-07:00Melancholy- A lifetime affair.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I don’t remember for how long I have been feeling lost, for how long I feel that I am trapped in a life I never wanted to end with. Everyday my heart says I do not belong here. That I must leave. My mind asks, what is wrong. Well, nothing is wrong technically. But you know how melancholy plays its role, right? I feel I will never feel alright. I will never feel at home. I have been trying hard to fit it, but nothing soothes this hapless mind. And now, I am scared. I am scared that someday, I might leave this all behind. Breaking the hearts of people, I love. I care for. But today, even love feels like a distant word. Coz truly, I don’t seem to care. <p>
I sometimes wonder, if I was born this way. What was the last time I felt ‘happy’ or satisfied. And honestly, I don’t remember. It has nothing to do with anything or anyone. It has everything to do with me. I sometimes dream of leaving the city, leaving the country and start afresh. But, for what? To feel incomplete again? Wat is home, I don’t remember anymore. Feeling overwhelmed with laughter and love, I can’t recall. I have always been in this phase, waiting for something to get over and anxious about the next phase. But eventually, nothing changes. Or, I never change. The feeling never changes neither does the hollowness. <p>
And today, I am so scared of my own thoughts that I don’t even want to confront them. I don’t want to write. Coz I feel I know what I want and scared of it. And I fear what if I would give everything up for something that doesn’t even exist. Someone once told me that we should take life as it comes and should not worry much. I tried that and still I was never at peace. <p>
What is the purpose, I wonder, of all this? What is the ultimate destination? For how long the suffering will linger on? Or is it a lifetime affair?<p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-46043001926142237612018-06-11T05:29:00.000-07:002018-06-11T05:29:19.085-07:00Talk before it's too late!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There has been talks about depression like never before. People are coming out of their safe zone and talking about the much taboo-ed subject ‘Mental illness’. Now, when I use the term mental illness, I very much intend to emphasize on the word ‘illness’. Our body gets ill, likewise our mind could get ill too. <p>
Celebrity like Deepika padukone, Bobby deol, Honey singh talks about being depressed and coming out of it. However, people only talk about depression when they have won the fight against it. When their mind is healthy again. When the sickness is gone. <p>
I wonder, what would happen, if some of them could not get out of the trap? Would they talk about it in public with this much persuasion? Would they encourage people to come out and seek help while they are on their way to recovery? Or Does it always end like Anthony Bourdain, Chester Bennington, Jiah Khan, Pratyusha Banerjee? <p>
When you see people like above, ending their life, most of us wonder, what it could be that would have been missing in their life? They had it all. Fame, Money, a fulfilled life. But do we ever wonder, is this all that makes one happy? That makes one understand the meaning of life? Or the struggle is not being able to understand life at all? Do you still think happy people could not get depressed? Or if the person is partying every weekend, he or she is not depressed? Does it only take a partner, a good job, good clothes, good food to be happy? What about the inner dilemma that a person might be going through? What about the void he/she feels all the time while he is taking holidays or eating out every other night or wearing the best clothes and has world’s best family for that matter?<p>
I wonder, what is it that goes into the mind of the person who comes to the point of ending his/her life? How suffocated and tired and defeated he/she must be feeling. And then, we as people tops it by never paying attention to the symptoms. By taking their action as just another tantrum or call for attention. There are numerous help lines and help centres to support the troubled mind, but who cares if the person who need it the most is even using it? Many of us who are depressed might hide it under our paintings or writing or alcohol or anything that would help them to get some sack out of it. But is that a solution? Is that all? Why don’t we ask people (and mean it) when we ask them how are they? Why don’t we, for a second, stop judging and try and understand what the other person might be going through? When will we, as a family or friend, start taking care of each other? There will always be people who are ready to ask for help. But there will also be people who would never let you know what they are going through, atleast not directly. That how insane they are going with the sleepless nights and the tired body and mind. How withdrawn they are from the things they once loved. How taking care of themselves is not on the list anymore. And why they cry for no good reason. <p>
And imagine, one of the day when you finally get to know, the battle they have been fighting. And that day, it’s too late to help them, to hold them and tell them that it is ok. It is ok to feel this way and that you are there for them and that you understand them. That it is ok to not be ok at times. <p>
But then, it will be too late. Help them while you could. Be with them when you could. And tell them they are not alone. That life could be tough but they have you by their side. Tell them and help them, before it’s too late. <p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-19388600984673330282018-05-23T02:29:00.000-07:002018-05-23T02:29:43.183-07:00Not feminist, but just another human being!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I was scrolling through my facebook feed when I chanced upon a video of Meghan Markle. In that video, she was talking about her incident when she was 11 year old with a dish washer advertisement by a famous FMCG company. She talks about how even as an 11 year old, she knew her place and her right to be equal to any other human being on this planet. <p>
This got me thinking about my journey to be a person I am today. I am not a beautiful girl appearance wise who would make the heads turn around. Honestly, I never wanted to be one. I have not achieved anything larger than life and nor am I an overachiever. I am a mediocre who came from a humble middle class family, left home some seven years back, came to a new place and made her way towards life and became a strong independent women. <p>
I seek great pride in calling myself that. Independent. And this has more do to with my family. My parents. When I was growing up, my parents never treated me like a ‘girl’. They never questioned my believes, my ideas of life, my urge to be equal to not only man but to any other human being. They never questioned my zeal for education and my interest in books. My mom never asked me to leave books behind and help her in the kitchen. I did help her whenever I could, but so did my brother. My brother would make tea for me and dad while I sit with my dad helping him in his accounts. My mother would wake up after my dad and he would make her bed tea. This is a kind of environment I grew up in.<p>
My parents are not highly educated beings, but at a very early age, they taught me the meaning of taking my own decisions and facing the consequences. They taught me how important it is to have my views and opinion about things and life and not get carried away by anyone else’s’ opinions.<p>
While all my cousins were getting married at the age of 22-23, they never asked me any question about me getting married. I changed school, I changed my stream, I left my hometown for better education and job, and they respected my every decision. <p>
I feel amused when girls or women today talks proudly how their parents got them married at an early age so that they do not get involve with any boy. This means, for them, not getting her daughter involved with a guy is more important than her education. Their parents ask them not to wear short dresses, not to party, not to have any guy friends and that they can do whatever they want once they are married, with the permission of their husband. At the same time, their sons can have all the education, have as many girl friends as they want, drink their liver out and still be the ‘Raja beta’ of the house. <p>
I think the issue of equality arises from our very home. We are the people in the society and we made it what it is today. In every household, you can see women tearing down each other instead of supporting each other. It’s women like them who raise dependent girls and ill-mannered sons. <p>
Feminism was a word alien to me till few years back, when it became mainstream. But when I look back at my life and how my parents nurtured my believes, I feel they were not feminist. But, they never took me and my brother as girl and boy respectively. They treated us like human beings. And treated us both equals. Despite being a very tough childhood, my parents gave me what most of well off and educated parents can’t give to their kids today, the freedom of being who I am. <p>
I wonder, how different this world would be, if we could teach our kids how important it is to treat everybody as equal. And we can teach them only if we follow the same rule. If you expect your wife/mother/daughter in law to be in kitchen and man belongs to the world outside, you can never teach your kids the importance of equality. <p>
On the lighter note- ‘Women belong to the kitchen. Man belongs to the kitchen. Basically, everybody belongs to the kitchen because kitchen has food😊 ‘
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-55597157377405652642018-02-08T05:41:00.001-08:002018-02-08T05:52:12.412-08:00Where I belong?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We live in a troubled world. With all the terrorism and inflation and intolerance and corruption. People have so much of anger and hatred inside of them, that it has become so difficult for us to even smile at another person walking beside us. I see that every day. In metros or trains or even in the cars. Every eye looks tired and every face looks angry. People are running for something they cannot see or even know if that exist. This is mostly in the cities. Big cities.<p>
I belong to a rather smaller city and whenever I get a chance to visit my city, I could feel the low pace of life there. Most of the people run their own small businesses. No offices to go to except for private banks and some small call centres. Off course the government offices as well. But whenever I visit my city, without even any effort, my mind feels so relaxed. Not because it is my hometown or something. It is. But today, I feel more of someone who belongs to Delhi rather anywhere else. These 7 years have made me a rat running in an unknown rat race.<p>
There..People wake up early..have time for morning tea…go for a walk or just read newspaper. Pray. Get shower, get ready, have breakfast. Pack lunch. Talk to neighbours or people around.. and get to work. Now, this is what we all do. But the difference is, they are not doing it just for the sake of it. They drink tea but do not think about just gulping it down and running for another errand. They take time and enjoy everything they do. They smile at each other. Greet. Stop by to have a little chat, if required. Of course, they all have their own problems and things to worry about. But for those moments, they are happy and relaxed. They come back home on time. There is hardly any hour long traffic and people abusing each other at road. They come back..spend time with their family or friends, have dinner, watch TV and sleep. A good 8 hour long sleep, or even more. <p>
No their life is not any easier. No Sir. But I feel atleast they are living their life. They might not have big malls to go to or Zara and Mango lined up in every other mall. But they have time and their money is not going to pubs and doctors to make them live. They are fine with their life. They are mediocre and they are happy with it. Unlike people in big cities where everyone is just a rat..waiting for the weekend to arrive to just gulp down the alcohol and spending grands to make them feel better for few hours.<p>
Sometimes I wonder, how different my life would have been, had I done a regular graduation, got married to someone in a small city? How things could have been, had I been a little less ambitious. Settled for something which could have allowed me to stay there. In my city. Would I be a better person then? Or would I be wondering how different life could have been, had I been to a big city?
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-27715099060328733322018-01-31T06:37:00.000-08:002018-01-31T06:39:37.430-08:002017 and the year ahead<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
2017 was a bad year. So bad that I want to eliminate every thought of it from my memory. Alas, if only I could. It drained all my energy and my self-believe. I became a person I could not recognize. There was so much negative vibes around that I could do nothing but fight. And at some point of time, I gave up. I gave up coz all I thought was not to hurt people around me. I stopped thinking about myself, my well being, my mental status. It was tough not only personally, but professionally too. I was in a constant battle to prove myself. I never believed in gender discrimination in office environment because I never faced one, until last year. I had to prove myself at every step. I started hating my job and to be honest I was doing it just for the sake of money.<p>
2017 made me a person I never wanted to be. Infact, I hated myself for being who I became. I became a victim of many diseases. Both mental and physical. It drained all my health and mental peace. Nothing gave me peace. Food, travel, holiday…nothing. I thought I could not fight anymore. I had no energy left with me. All the rules and principles that I followed all my life were mocking me for being such a person. I am not a person who give up easily. I am a fighter and a survivor. But I broke down. In front of anyone and everyone. I am not someone who look up to people to support me…emotionally, financially and physically. But that time, I was so vulnerable, that I thought I could do nothing and capable of nothing. <p>
I thought I could not survive it. But I did. I did survive, fought and took myself out from that aura that was dragging me down. They say every incident changes you. Some makes you better and some bitter. I thought, this one year made me bitter, more that I could think of. And no matter how hard I hit myself for it, I know I am not responsible for what happened to me. When you get hit by the people you love….when they let you down and break your trust time and again…there is only anger that is going to come out of it. <p>
This year…I want to work on myself. To stop caring about people and live for myself for once. To vent out the anger no matter how much hurt others would feel, coz I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to fight with myself anymore. I want to do whatever I could to get myself back on track. Because this? This is not who I am. I am better and I deserve better and I will fight for it…till the end…till I will not become the person who I really am. This year, I hope, I could do justice to myself and give myself back the pride and love and care I lost last year!
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-43785642986886543692018-01-12T05:23:00.000-08:002018-01-12T05:23:15.216-08:00Save yourself. Be your own Hero!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have been binge watching Grey’s anatomy again. I have already watched 11 seasons and after a gap of about 2 years instead of going back to 12th season, I decided to re-watch them all. I have been quite an addict of this sitcom and I would give up anything to watch even one episode of Grey’s. I remember I started watching it in 2013 when I was going through an all-time low of my life. And every dialogue uttered by the characters gave me a strange high. It, along with couple of other sitcoms, gave me lot of courage and support to come out of that phase. <p>
I am not a happy person. I am an old school. I believe in relationships, commitments and words. I believe in romance and letters and stars. But I am not a happy person. My heart always goes towards melancholy than the bright chirpy things. No, I am not a sadist. Before I knew this thing about myself, I was in constant battle. Battle to be happy, to be a part of society, to please people I care about. But I was never at peace. I was totally unaware about who I was. And then, with time, with age, with phases and thanks to sitcoms and books like these, I realized, I am not a happy person. And it is okay. It is okay to not be okay at times. To not pretend happiness when you are not happy. To feel rush of emotions. To love letters more than messages, hand made cards than expensive archies or hallmark. To sit and just look at the sky for hours, to love roaming alone than with bunch of people who just pretend to be with you. <p>
While watching Grey’s again, I realized how much I am comfortable in my own skin today. Few years back, I was battling to be a part of someone else’s’ life. And today, I am just doing fine. Not shouting or jumping in happiness, but just sitting, looking at the world outside my window and writing this. I have realized that I am not a people person and would rather like to be alone at times. I am still not a happy person. No sir. But I am satisfied with that I have made of my life. Whatever I am doing for myself and my people on my own. I am fine that I do not have to look for some to support me in any way…financial, emotional. Whatever comes to me today is an added gift.<p>
I understand people better. I know who care and who just pretend to care. I have made my principles and I abide by them. I value words and I value morals. And all that because I know myself better today. I know what I want and from what things or people I need to distant myself with. I know where I am and where I want to go. And that’s the greatest thing you know. When you know where you are. And you know where you want to go.<p>
I think, to be fine with yourself (not happy, but fine), all you need is to know yourself better. And be true to yourself. Anything and everything else is just a phase. Nothing is constant. Only you are. And as Meredith said once “"I think you can’t wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life. I think you have to save yourself." See? Be your own hero!”<p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-15093956464008098232017-10-23T03:20:00.002-07:002017-10-23T03:20:48.450-07:00Of Age and Expectations!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Growing up is never easy. Being an adult, we ought to give up so much. Not to anyone in particular. But to life. The dark circles of an inch size, wrinkles caused due to constant worry, pale face with not an iota of natural glow. Grey hair. Permanent state of tiredness. I am always tired. Tired of work, of travelling hours in metro, of worry, of thoughts and anxiety, of complaints. Of fighting with myself and my thoughts. How much an exhausted person could fight anyway? I feel I will give up. Very soon. This world consumes a lot of my energy. And I am not ready for it. Maybe because I have no energy left, with all the struggle and the fights with the world. There is no progression in my thoughts. No broadening of perception. No moving forward. My energy gets waste in things that hold no value. That shouldn’t hold any value. This is the least I expected from life. Could this be because of my surroundings? Coz I am not surrounded by people with whom I could talk about life, about something productive. I don’t look at the moon anymore. I look at my face into the mirror. And I feel, I feel nothing. Numb. I want to ask myself where I am heading towards. But I don’t. I can’t. Coz my mind is not healthy enough to ask such questions. I feel with age, I am not learning anything that would help me to grow as a person. I am tired of all the negativity around me. Usually, I just step back from such people and surroundings. I maybe a loner. But I have been a hopeful person. Not enthusiastic. But a little hopeful. That life will be fine. If not good or best, it will be fine atleast. Now. Now I don’t claim any such thing. I cannot think about life anymore. Or maybe, I do not have the stamina left to think about life, myself or anything else. Do you think it’s worth it? A life like this? I want to read though. Read and travel. I wanted this year to be full of books and travel. And I could do none. No explanation. No excuse. I just couldn’t. <p>
With this year coming to an end, I am not hoping anything bright and beautiful next year. I am not. Coz this burden of expectation ruins a lot of things. I just one want thing. That may this year never repeat itself, not even in bits and pieces.
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-56585576429734963022017-10-03T05:17:00.000-07:002017-10-03T05:17:03.046-07:00October Sky!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
October in Delhi is not so October-y. Mornings and Nights are comparatively breezy though. But days are hot. Feels like June. However, there is this strange emptiness during the afternoons. Like the day loses its soul during the afternoons. I feel a strange void. Sometimes I feel a sense of shiver down my spine. My hands feel cold. My legs feel weak. And my mind….my mind feels numb. Numbness is the lack of feeling though. I could feel the numbness. I find it hard to type, to see, to speak, to hear. And this anxiety. This anxiety of what is going to happen next. The uncertainly. The excitement. The rush. The scary feeling. <p>
Last year this time, I was busy shopping for my wedding. And I remember feeling the same thing that time too. Does this happen every year with me? I don’t remember. This is the third year when my life is undergoing a major change during this time of the year. Do you think this maybe the cause?<p>
Last night I couldn’t sleep. I twisted and curled but I just could not sleep. Could this be a kind of hangover for last night? My mind feels restless with no sign of calming down. I just need to calm down. Sit quiet for some time and think nothing. Is it that tough? To calm your mind and your body for few minutes?<p>
Is it because of the hormonal disease? Or is it just psychological? I want to believe in the former. I could treat it atleast. I have to. People may not understand the changes I am going through. The havoc this disease is causing in my physical and mental being. But atleast I know the reason if it’s not psychological. <p>
What else could a person like me hope for? A reason to know the insanity within.<p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-3098251429787846912017-09-22T03:17:00.000-07:002017-09-22T03:17:26.957-07:00Sex, City and the world around!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I started my journey with Sex and the city, it was not with the season but with the movie. I watched all the parts in a day. I was fascinated and thrilled. I loved each and every character. I could relate to Carrie and at times with Miranda as well. I was the one who was looking for love and I am not ashamed to accept that. While Charlotte was always sweet, I was blown away by the strong and charismatic Samantha.<p>
Then, I started watching the series. And, oh my God! I thought back then, that this is the perfect kind of life. I, my friends and the love of my life (after going through all the wrong ones of course). The heartbreaks, the personal challenges, the traumas and the ups and downs of life. Everything was so real and I lived with them. I roamed around the streets of Manhattan with them. No, they are not perfect. Nothing was perfect in their life. And that’s exactly what I loved about them.<p>
I have never been a fan of Indian television, except for some exceptionally good soaps which used to watch when I was a kid, which I re-watched while growing up. Else, I think series like FRIENDS, HIMYM, Grey’s Anatomy, Sex and the city has taught me more about life than anything else. I was a lil uptight person (I still am) but with that, I started accepting things. I started accepting that closing your eyes does not mean that the thing does not exist. It broadened my perspective towards life. Towards relationship. They (all the above states series) have always bring me back to life when I was low and when I needed some advice. It taught me that I am not alone battling with this life and that no matter what…life must go on. <p>
When Samantha found out about her cancer, When Derek died, When Monica broke up with Richard..it was a lesson, that you must fight back and fight hard. <p>
Yes, the society, the people are very different. I live in a country where every other person is judging you. Where people are more interested in your life than cleaning the shit in their own life. When people have all the time in the world to sit and gossip about every other person. But then, like Samantha once said “If I worry about what every bitch says about me, I’d never leave the house”. <p>
People will always put you down. “What are you wearing”, “Look you have so many grey hair”, “She is so arrogant because she earns”, “She can’t do household work”, “She is way too educated”, “She must slow down coz she’s a women”. Well, yes my dear friends, it is just a tip of an iceberg. These statements will keep on floating from the people who could not do anything with their own life. And yet, here you sare, with a glass of wine (Which by the way your husband or your papa didn’t pay for :P ) and a smile on your face, listening to these losers and saying “I am not a type of a women who sits all day at home waiting for a Man”. <p>
You should never be ashamed of who you are. Never feel bad because you are earning more than your husband. Such thoughts only comes in the mind of insecure people. Never feel guilty because you cannot do household work. You have a 12 hours demanding job to do. Be demanding. As long as you can pay your own bills, it doesn’t matter. In a relationship, it is not only husband’s duty to work their ass off so that you could swipe his hard earned money. It is your relationship too. And no matter what the world says, always be independent and demanding. Coz that’s your right. And nobody could take that away from you. Do not be ashamed to accept your success. Do not hesitate from accepting how proud you are of yourself. You are here coz you worked hard for it. You are successful, coz you have gone through worse. Let people hate you. This means you are doing something that they can’t do. Breathe. And Move on. <p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-85078868853527627662017-09-07T06:18:00.000-07:002017-09-07T06:18:06.091-07:00Year gone by!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It’s been really long since I stopped writing. Not that I don’t want to. I feel this urge to write and just vent it out. But life has been busy. Busy with so many thing. With changes. With marriage. With job. And with myself. I open the page and I just go blank. I think I have lost my capacity to think. Or maybe I just don’t want to think anymore. Coz the more I think about the past year, the more I want to run from it.<p>
Few days back, one of a friend said why I over-analyze things. That got me thinking, that do I really think this much? Now that I really don’t want to. I run from it. But, you know what. I was wrong. This is me. This is a very essential part of my being. That I am sensitive to few things. That I do think. And I can’t separate that part of me from myself. I don’t want to. I would prefer living without people who cannot handle or accept the way I am. But I will not lose the very essence of me. <p>
Coming back to writing. I just want to get back to that phase of my life where I would just wake up in the middle of the night and write it down my thoughts and never read it back. Today, I re-read my old posts, thinking, how I could just write all the things going through my mind. Why is it so tough now? Why I could not get the things out of my mind and my heart. Why words fail me everytime I want to write? <p>
I am hoping this phase will pass soon. I hope things get better within me. I hope I could train my mind better and just listen to my heart. Year has passed but I am not myself. <p>
And since I am out of words, I am concluding this post abruptly. <p>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-26980846704414709732017-02-06T02:57:00.003-08:002017-02-06T02:57:44.252-08:00Raina!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
She has those lil dreams..you know. To have a home …to have a huge shelf full of books. To have flowers and plants all over her balcony. To wake up and drink her first cup of tea amidst the silence of those small little plants. A home she could decorate and nurture with her love. She wanted her home to reflect her soul. She never wanted expensive cars….diamonds… gifts. She was never like that….she was capable of buying all those things herself..yet she never did. Coz this is not what she wanted from life. Never. <p>
All she wanted was a house she could call home….someone she could love and be loved…late night conversations with someone who could understand her with a glass of wine. Conversations that could touch her soul and make her feel alive. She wanted to travel but never expected to live in 5 star hotels. At this point of time…all she wanted was peace. <p>
But life is not fair. It is not fair with anyone and this is what makes it fair…I guess. She was ‘she’ for herself. The idea of being her was limited to her own self. The world never gives a damn..you know…to who you are. That’s how it works. But, she never understood this concept. She always thought that one day she would find a world full of love and harmony and peace. Little did she know, life had other plans for her. <p>
Her passion left her…her desires failed her. Day by day…she became someone she could not recognize by looking into the mirror. She would wake up at night and pray! Pray to some god, she never believed exist, to end this. To end the nightmare and take her back to the time when thinking about the future excites her. What was wrong..she was never able to get an exact answer. All she knew was she was not happy. Or maybe..being happy is a concept. She was not herself. Yes, she was not herself. She could not feel the happiness. It was just never ending melancholy she could feel. Like a deep hole in her heart. A heavy weight that kept in increasing. <p>
Sometimes, she wish to have a place where she could scream. Scream and just let things go. She is still waiting for it….to scream and let tears flow down her cheeks and just let it go……
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-82462185848228510882016-11-04T06:43:00.000-07:002016-11-04T06:43:05.343-07:00Hiraeth!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I turned 28 this Wednesday. 28 years of existence. When I left home, I was 22. I couldn’t wait to leave home and have a life of my own. I never felt settled when I was there, always looking for something. Something unknown. I used to feel suffocated at times and wanted to run away. For no particular reason. I have had a very liberal upbringing. Always taking my own decisions. My privacy was never hindered. My friends were never judged. I could go anywhere I want, eat anything I desire for. Yet, there always exist a sense of isolation. As if the place I used to call home was never actually ‘Home’. I thought maybe this is temporary. Maybe things will get fine once I’ll leave this city. <p>
And I did. In March 2011, I left my city in search of a place I could relate to. I visited a few places in India. I went abroad. But I never felt settled. I changed apartments but again the void was there. Everytime. In every place. <p>
In these five years, or rather 28 years, I have been looking for ‘Home’, but failed everytime. When I visit my hometown, I just want to come back. I feel incomplete there. The moment I reach here, I just want to leave this place and go back. But ‘back’? Where? I never understood. I think I never will. <p>
I realized that I have been looking for a place that never was there. And I think I will keep looking for it. Coz no matter where I go, no matter where ever I’ll live, I will never be at home. <p>
There is a word for it in Welsh. <i>Hiraeth”</i>.“A homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was. Isn’t beautiful? This word. <i>Hiraeth! </i>
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6526569434368229252.post-2607095098824447032016-05-04T00:01:00.000-07:002016-05-04T00:01:44.749-07:00Art of Sharing!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I always had someone by my side to share my woes…my heartaches…my stories. I was good at it. Sharing things but keeping a lot to myself. People who were there used to think I have opened my heart out to them. But that wasn’t the truth. It could never happen, me opening my heart out to anyone. ANYONE. Though I was good at keeping secrets…I still am. I was confidante of many…there were few who were mine..but never knowing the whole story.<p>
I never wanted anyone in specific in my life. It’s just that I have never been alone. Specially after I started my graduation. There were lovers, more than friends…un named relations. I have had them all. With few I connected like anything. But as they left, the power of me sharing my stories reduced. I never missed anyone for long enough to not let someone else enter. ‘Missed’, I guess is a wrong word here. I missed them all, I still do at times. Rather I never needed anyone. Coz I always had someone. <p>
It may sound selfish or mean or whatever, but that’s the truth. Not every person is there for emotional support…nor for physical one. Few are/were there only for conversations. I have lost my ability to keep a conversation going. I feel I get bored…or I bore people. Either way, I just can’t keep the conversation going. It is not pity…not misery..it is just the way I have become. <p>
I want to live alone…sleep…watch sitcoms after sitcoms…eat good food…and just be alone. I don’t like people asking me what has happened to me, or why I am angry all the time. It’s because people make me so. They make me angry. Maybe because I could not connect with anyone. I can’t talk. Not that I don’t want to. I just can’t. <p>
So, yeah. That is, it. From bad I have become worst with sharing. And I do not regret it. Just that feel alone at times. But I guess that is okay!
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Aashayeinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00720942854224375365noreply@blogger.com6