Who Are You????????

I read all the mails u send once...I was feelin as if all those things are again happening in front of me. I could feel that love overflowing from your eyes,I could again see your eyes peeping into mine, I could feel warmth of your words deep into my heart. Do you remember the nights we used to chat continuously fr hrs and hrs? Do you remember the nights we spent talking, crying, laughing and dreaming? Do u remember the dreams we saw together?
I read all our chats and mails. Truely speaking, I missed that time, when u were here with me. I miss the tym you used to call everyngt just to know wthr I'am happy or not. I miss the time when silence was the best conversation between us. I miss the time when even our eyes could speak and we feel content just by looking at each other. You made me realise that life is actually beautiful. U taught me to saw dreams, u taught me to laugh, u taught me to smile. The reason y I still miss u is coz of the tym we have had spent together. We even talk today, but neither u r the same nor I. Things have changed, tym has changed, n so does We.
A lot has changed amidst us. We both have come a long way, a way where we talk, where we smile, where we work....but we are not the one which we were once. Its lyk coming to a place where u dont want to come, doing work which u dont enjoy and talking with your people whom you are not interested in. In the same way we talk, even when we dont want to, and complete our formalities of having chitchat with one another. Isnt? Their exist a sort of wall between us. We hide things or better say we dont want to discuss things of our "personal lives".Smetym I feel lyk hugging you tight . R u in pain? R u happy? Why you hide things? Why you always keep a circle aound and dont allow anyone to cross that? Why you always keep the door of your heart shut? What you want to hide inside it? What you want to keep away from this world?
Let me know who are you? Let me meet the Real You!!!!!!

The Darker Side!!!

I cant see my face in the mirror...everytym I stand in front of mirror all I could see is a girl...wearing dark clothes....red eyes...sad..enigmatic...scattered hairs...crying.... I noticed that she was trying to say sumthing...sumthing that only she knows...some sins that she has committed...some desires that she cant share with anyone....some secrets she cannot disclose...some wishes that cannot be granted...her heart was full of regrets...regrets of sme decisions she has made....regrets of the tym she couldnt get back.....Her eyes were pouring revenge.....revenge she wants to take from life...for life has snatched things from her.. for life has made her alone in herself, for life has made this beautifule girl an evil being.
She wasnt uttering a word , but her eyes were saying everything....She closed her eyes and thoughts were visible from her face...she wants to live a life full of bliss, she wants to live without any fear, she wants all her things back from life, she was dreaming ...of a world where she was happy.....where she can live with no questions around, where she can live for herself..without any expectation, without any explanations...where everything was beautiful..where "she" could feel beautiful....where she dont has to sacrifice for others...and suddenly.... she opened her eyes and a drop of tear rolled out from her left eye. She was here again...in this REAL world...here..in front of me...and again... she emerged as a girl whose heart is full of agony and pain...regrets and desires....uncovered truth and broken dreams....
And that was "The Darker Side" of her life!!!!!!!!

Ambiguity of Life!!!!!!!!

Sitting in my office....doing nothin(phisically)...and thinking what to think...lyf is so full of uncertainities ,that smetym have to ask myself what really m i doing with my lyf......M i really doing the thing I wanted to? M I satisfied with my work? M I really satisfied with what m doing today? Mind is becoming ocean of thoughts....everytym...24*7 only thoughts...thoughts...n thoughts!!!!! Why cant I live normal lyf like my colleagues? I feel alone in crowd...i feel content being alone.....what is this? Is this me? Is this the REAL ME? People are talking around me...but I am not listening to them...Why cant I behave lyk all my female colleagues...talking and gossiping about one another. Everytym I try to be a part of that group I feel immensely uncomfortable....I feel irritated sometym...is their any problem with me? do I need a psychiatrist? I am not mad this is for sure...bt smething is wrong with me...I could feel that.
I asked myself thousand times what I really want to do in lyf...and nothing my mind and heart answer....Its not lyk that I dont have any dreams or I am sme irresponsible person with no ambitions in lyf. I do have. Bt If smeone asks me what I want to be after 5 yrs down the line....I cant answer such question. And I am not ashamed of it.
I see many of my frnds running after their dreams...I too am running...bt after which thing that I dont know....may be happiness, may be fulfillment, may be fame, may be power...gawd....so many things to run after.......
I wonder if it is compulsary to have a goal...to run after these things..Will I feel happy once I acheive these things. Then why people says that human needs are unlimited...If they are , then I am never going to fulfill all my needs, failing which I will never feel happy.
Is it mandatory to be like others? To do things what they are doing? To think lyk them? After all not every person could become a Tata or Birla. Ok I know not everyone is doing things to be Tata or Birla either(or may be..). But still.......
Anyways,have to get back to work. Will meet sme psychiatrist soon. :-)
As of now.....this is still a debate amidst my mind and heart. Though I am somewhat tired of this fight. But this is the only thing I do for MYSELF .

"U kw Mr.X is dating Ms Y these days........"
(Yawn)............My female colleagues(again)....

~Signing off~

Was it you???

Nothing has change...neither the way u look nor d way u smile...u came n sat beside me...your eyes..still filled wid so much of innocence...everytym i see them I fall in love with you all over again. No i dunn have to look in them ...why should I need to look into your eyes...Your lips ..still d same warmth and love...I saw them each tym you speak...they are so soft and tender....that mole on your chin still looks the most adoring thing to me in the world...Your shoulders ... as if nothing pacify my heart except them...I could hear your heartbeats...it was fast...as fast as mine....We both were trying to act normal but it was implacable....my heart was succumb...I could not sit lyk this and talk with you..smething is wrong between us...something has chaged...yes it does has......It is a fallacy to believe that everything is normal...no.. nothing is normal...bt say something....what?...plz... i'll not ask for any reason neither will I ask for any clarification..It wasn't your mistake..or may be it was....but forget all that happened...jst forget those seven months..you are here...this is the moment...say it...say what your eyes are saying...no.... pls dont look at me lyk this..this look of yours kills me...ok...i know....lyk every other ngt today also you are going to sit here whole night and say nothing......
Then,can I ask you something? Was it you who was in love with me? was it you for whom i decided to give up everythin? was it you who held me tight everytym i felt low? was it you who taught me to dream and to feel hpy fr small things around?Then y dont i found you today holding my hand when m feeling immensnely lonesome? Why dunn you break this silence between us and make everything allright? Why dunn you jst be the person whom I loved once? Why things have changed so much? Why exists this awkward distance between us? Why do I feel as if I am in aphelion?
No ...it cant be you. You cant be the same person with whom i spent most beautiful and memorable moments of my lyf. You cant be the one. Then who are you? Why do u cme everyngt and dunn let me sleep. Why every ngt I fnd tears rolling out from my eyes? Why every second your thought distract my mind? Who are you? Why cant you leave me alone? See, still you are standing there and smilling....smilling as if nothing has happen......plz go and let me sleep.......Its been months since I slept with peace in my mind...m tired....my eyes are burning.....m becoming insane...plz go n let me sleep......
ok....I kw this ngt also you are going to do the same........today also you are going to sit here whole night and will vanish as d ngt gt over.....fine...today's night is again for you and your thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!

Love- Passion and Regrets!!!!

Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with glossy, colorful, marvelous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly about freely in the sky, bringing joy to everyone who saw him.
One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two travelled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired and venerated and celebrated that bird.
But then she thought: He might want to visit far off mountains! And she was afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt empty, envy for the bird’s ability to fly.
She felt alone.
And she thought: ‘I am going to set a trap. The next time the bird appears, he will never leave again.’
The bird, who was also in love, returned the following day, fell into the trap and was put in a cage.
She looked at the bird every day. There he was, the object of her passion, and she showed him to her friends, who said: ‘Now you have everything you could possibly want.’ However a strange transformation began to take place: now she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird, unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life, began to waste away and his feathers to lose their gloss; he grew ugly; and the woman no longer paid him any attention, except by feeding him and cleaning out his cage.
One day the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking about him. But she did not remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him for the first time, flying contentedly amongst the clouds.
If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what had thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not the physical body.
Without the bird, her life too lost all meaning, and Death came knocking at her door.’ Why have you come?’ She asked death. ‘So that you can fly once more with him across the sky.’ Death replied. ‘If you had allowed him to come and go, you would have loved and admired him even more; alas; you now need me in order to find him again’.

May be I'am Addicted!!

"Wake up Mansi...its already 12......" my mom shouted
"Let it be mom......who cares........its Sunday" n i again took my pillow on my face n slept. "Is it raining mom?" I asked
"Yes ... i just hate this rain sometime..it really add on my workload...so much mess it create all around"..she grumbled.
I jumped from my bed and went to balcony....god..its beautiful......I just loveeeeeee rain( i dunn think anyone in this world hate rains...except for my mom!!)....well this is october rain after all......rarely we gt a chance to feel rain in this month. I took up my coffee mug and put my i-pod on....coffee, music and rain...deadly combo.....sunday could not be better then dis.
"If I close my eyes forever, wud it ease the pain could i breath again"........Enrique...awesome lyrics!!!
I watched Agra fort from there(my balcony is famous for its Fort view)...I always adore its beauty..Dunn kw why ppl lyk Taj more then Fort....though I dunn have any special interest in these historical monuments.....still Fort plays a very special role in my life. I could sit here for hours and watch fort without blinking my eyes. And wen it rains..nothing could match the beauty of Fort.
Rain always brings one thing ....Memories.....As the drops of rain fell on my face,it takes me to a trance state...a state where I could only feel bliss and happiness all around. I could feel love..a zeal to live and an enthu to be happy always....It brings a message that no matter how worst the situation is......it is going to be alrgt...it will heal all the pain and vanish all the regrets and agony inside.
"Maybe I'm addicted, I'm out of control, but you're the drug that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar, but all I really know is you're the only reason I'm trying. "
Music and memories are like drugs....and I am a big tym addicted of it......neither could I live widout music..nor widout memories..after all these are the only things which are mine...It is always the best thing to hold on memories(for me offcourse)....as no matter how near or far that person is..memories are yours and no one could snatch them from you.
Well....See I was writting about rain and I wrote about memories and music...now u cud feel how addicted I am...:-)
Neways, the best lines to merge all these things are here:

"Rain drops falling in my head,
and never knowing when it will end.
Should I run for cover,
or let another rain drop fall in my head again?
I would love to dance in the rain,
and knowing somehow it’ll help erase the pain.
Sometimes when I’m all alone,
and I see rain drops are falling outside again.
There’s happiness that I feel "

A meet with a stranger(Facts are stranger than fiction)

"Love needs no commitment, its all bullshit....if u love sumone, y u need a certificate of being committed?"
said my frnd ..
Big tym defender she is of "so called singles".
"No, love do need commitment. It gives u an assurance that both persons are answerable to their deeds. I mean if

you love each other wats the matter in committing the same." said another one. Now this grl is jst opposite of naina(the former one).
"Cut if off guys. There are still loads of topics to discuss. Pls. " that was me. Damn I really hate this discussion.
" Why dunn you ppl live your life in your own way? Why u need to discuss things in which you kw ,no conclusion is going to come up? This is not the first tym u ppl are discussing this topic. Why dunn you ppl jst shut up and let me drink this coffee in peace?"
But these girls ...they are jst too much.
"Some stories are by default incomplete".....uttered one guy sittin behind me.....I turned. A guy...
...mst be a nerd! Why is he poking his nose in our matter. I thought.
"Can I sit here ma'am?" He asked.
"Yeah sure, why not?" said naina
Typical girl....Why she allowed him to sit with us..I thought and stared naina with anger. She understood my expression. But it was too late, By that tym that guy has already joined our seat.
"Hi..I am Sambhav" he said .
"Hi.. m Naina, she is anu and she is .........."
"Mansi" He smiled.
"how do you kw?"
"Well...sry bt I was listening to your discussion. And I came to kw your name then only"
"Well.....good for you" I said. Actually I was gettin irritated with that guy. Why the hell on earth is he interested in our talks?
"Where r u from Sambhav? And what are you doing?" anu
"I am doing MBA from Symbiosis. Basically M from Pune. Came here with my frnds for a Taj Trip"
"Great...Symbiosis haan....cool" naina
"Yepps"
"Sambhav you were saying something. 'Some stories are......' "
"By default incomplete...yeah...Actually I was listening to wat u ppl were discussing, offcourse except Miss Mansi(smiled)......."
"You already have told us that" I said
"Ohhh....yeah....sry!!!!!......"
"But why are you saying that Sambhav? I mean any experience?...sry if m gettin personal...Bt still..this line na...it has something!!!!"
God, Naina n serious about lines.......now this is too much.......i thought
"hmmm........Veronica decides to die......Nice novel......so u read novels?" He saw the novel lying on the table.
"Yeah....only wen i gt tym...n dis was read long back....." I replied
"Great..."
"So Sambhav , tell us wat u think about commitments and love"
"Well .. if u ask me about love and committment, then I have only one thing to say...u really cant change your destiny. Its all written...no matter how much u fight or ask for the person in ur prayers n all...if hez their in your destiny he will come to you without any extra efforts..and if not then you are jst playing with your emotions and your life by asking for number of committments from that person. See, the thing is that number of couples promises each other to live and die together, to get married, to give up everything for their partner...but how many are actually able to fulfill all their commitments and promises?...So, If u ask me...i wud sat that do fall in love but dont commit sumthing which u r nt sure of...make that thing clear with your partner. Love is a beautiful feeling....and I think its the best thing a person can do for himself...to fall in love.Its just a matter of click....jst be honest in your relation and be loyal with your partner...thats all is needed!!"
"This guy is nt that bad ya...i mean he talk sense"......this was my mind.
"hmmm...interesting...seems u kw a lot about love n relationships!!!"..I said
"Thnk god u said something.....(smiled)..kidding....well yes u can say ...not "lot" but yes watever i have experienced till now is all that i said "
"Hello....yes I am coming in ten minutes....Ok girls...I'll take your leave now...have to rush... it was lovely speaking with you all" He said
"The feeling is mutual...."I replied
"Pleasure mam.......And one thing for u....dunn think much...jst do wat your heart says....n dont keep any expectations....it always hurts...goodbye" and he left.
While coming back I was only thinkin about wat he said...How easily he answered almost half of my questions(still not all.....not even God Brahma can solve all my queries)...So true he was...If someone is yours he will be your any how...and if hez not written in your destiny......no power in this world can make him yours. Jst leave this thing on destiny and do wat your heart says. Even I have seen my frnds, cousins...to fall in love and be in a relation for more then 5 yrs...and finally they end up so badly that today they cant even see each others face.....Fall in love, experience all excitement and butterflies but at the same tym ask your heart no keep itself prepare for the worst...you never know what will happen tomorrow....
Its like accounting rule...."Consider all the prospective losses and ignore all the prospective gains"...in the same way expect the best and be prepare for the worst!!!!!!!

(A poem is never finished; it's always an accident that puts a stop to it—that is to say, gives it to the public.)