I beseeched my hapless destiny to schematize a clandestine tryst for a night in my dream with you,
Dreams are not my patron, said my fate,
And this night again is going to be a minion of your memories............

Your erratic stance has pulverized me
......................into pieces untold

Your wonts ..............

What do you see in those eyes? Agony, Pain, wait, Love, affection? Or hate, resentment? Is she not jealous by the way you talk with every other woman but not her? Does she not told you the level of sateity she feel inside your aura? She did....upmteen times....when you were engaged in influencing each damsel of your town, She clamored for your love, for you touch. She beseeched every now and then for she wanted you to be with her, to not leave her. You never cared to listen once what she was trying to utter, for the vestibule for you. You never was concerned to what she feels or want..the only thing which was the centre of concern was "You"...you and your false chauvinism. For all the trespasses you did, for all the contusions you gave to her heart...you never repent for them. Was she a mere medium to satisfy your carnal desires or was that really love from your side? But how can love be so painful...how can it be so deceptive?
And even today you talked to her in a way as if shez a minion of your libidos. Your deeds have made her numb. She neither hate nor love anyone...not even her parents.She dont care of her existence. Do you ever realize how wickedly you have ruined her. She cant even curse you for it.....This is what love is for her.

Turmoil

How preposterous it is to listen all new story about oneself every other day. Yeah, I am talking about myself. From the day I left my job, people call me up and ask same old questions, as to, where am I, what am I up to......blah blah blah.....some of them are fabricating umpteen of stories in coalition with others.Some think that I have joined somewhere else,while other blvs that I have been dumped by my boyfriend (gosh I hate this ignoble word.I mean better word could be used for the same), reason for which I left my job( and that made me laugh fr the whole day). Heights were when one of the girl I know came to me and asked." You getting married?".I mean what the heck?? On what hell basis all these predictions were made??? And why on me???
Well I called my frnd(whom they considered my "boyfrnd") and told all these shity things talked about. And as expected...we laughed lyk hell. Yeah, the only mode of entertaintment in my life these days. Well they do have their reasons for prognosis.I was out of this place( my virtual and real world) for more than a month, even my frnds are astonished.2-3 days back one of my frnd called up to ensure wthr I am alive or not(frnds they are...lol)....other said my dimness has become a topic of concern amidst them. For their sake and for the ppl who cares..I am back from my hibernate mode...not totally active though...I come online for few minutes everyday, check my fb account...like few posts...make comments on some...check my mails...and go back...But one thing I surely miss are blogs..specially of wildflower, Tapas and Mayank...Perhaps January 2011 and i'll be back in my form again.....overngt chats, sms, calls.....these days even my cell phone slumbers whole day :-).
For the time being..I let others to tell a tall tale :-)

The day I realized its worthless
....................contemptment was the only option left!!!!!!!

Paradigm shift

ok..I ws out of this place fr about a month...reason being..I ws craving for sme tym off...yeah sme dayz away from these social networking sites, acquaintances , relatives..in nutshell away from the social circle.Only few close ppl kw where I was and what I ws upto.These days I really gave a thought to umpteen of things in my life...good-bad,pompous- worthless, things I have been chasing for long and vice versa. And I unfolded lot many inferences. I actually realized things to which I was giving so much of importance are nothing but sham.I am such a dolt that I give people and things, the right to hurt my soul.I mean how can a person or a thing decide to make me feel good or worse, how can anyone's presence can affect the way I feel and think in any way.Its like giving your life to a person to play with...and crip in case they break it. If you really are concerned with your life...then its only you who can take utmost care of it..and nobody else in the world.Not even the best of frnds.
Frnds, parents, beloved...they can't stand beside you always.Its you who has to stand alone at the end.I may sound didactic but this is what the fact is.The harsh reality of life is that You are alone.Find your priorities as soon as possible else you'll be playing a second fiddle in someone's life.

A journey that was!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I'll be writting a big post on 24th June...yeah...that was a day really imp in my life...Journey of four years ended...and a chapter gt concluded.This place holds real importance in my life. People syz that school is the only place where you could make true friends......but the friends I made here, the people I met.....teachers, colleagues...everyone...plays a dominant role in my life. Coz what I am today is just because of who all I met and what all I learned from them. Memories is all what Iam taking from this place...some beautiful, some bad...laughters, tears...love....hatred...but I learned a lot from here. Every person I met in this whole tenure of four years has taught me some or the other thing.
When I entered here 4 years back............27th July 2006..I was a different person...shy, naive, nascent..just came out from cocoon....ominious to face the new
world..bt this place accepted me with open arms.......and gave me all the love that was never expected. I would never ever forget the time I have spent here......non
stop laughters...crushes on seniors, instant movie programs...new year partys.....and the most important thing in my life....YOU. If der would have been any possiblity..I would have spend whole my life with this place...coz this is the place which made me meet you....
Today when I am not there .....m missing every corner...each stair....my classrooms.......my cupboard...pile of books...every thing...EVERYTHING. My first day at job.......my mentor said it "transition phase"......working in a place where u studied once......gawd..nothing cud be more complicated than this. But I enjoyed that....n yeah I came accross some really bona fied ppl here...n I learned some really really good thing from them.
In nutshell...these four years proved to be a roller coaster ride for me......love , hatred , broken heart , naive love, pearl like friends.......Yeah...I miss this place!!!!!!!!!!