Well...i dunn think i ever thought that i'll b writting sumthing like this.......thank to life and its twist and turns that made me to write all this.
Why life is always so unexpected....Why it always happen that things come back in life in the most unexpected way? Someone has rightly said "Expect the Unexpected".
There was a time wen all the things were going as if they are never goin to settle down and I am goin to spin from dis direction to that.....There was a time wen i was left wid nuthing and today I dunn have tym enough to see wat is 'nuthing' and what is' everythin'. Things probably not have changed much in terms of self satisfaction but still why to always curse life for this? Satisfaction is something which is their deep inside us.
Few days back, my supervisor gave me a CD and gave me instructions to watch the whole film...the film was a sort of documentary movie named as "RAHASYA", mystery which we call. I dunn understand why suddenly out of blue he gave me that CD wen lots of official work is still pending from my side. Well i thought that's a nice break I cn take out of my busy schedule and atleast can give a time break to my "disturbed mind".
I watched the whole movie which was about of one and a half hour....."Okkk.....nw i gt why he gave me this CD"...i thought...that was coz of my "disturbed mind" itself......
"Is my mind still deviating? "I thought...probably not....coz i even dunn have tym to see my face in the mirror then how can my mind deviate as nw I' am not thinking anything which cud have disturbed my mind.
Next day I gave him back the CD and said "Sir, thnks for the CD. I literally liked it.But one thing I want to know,Why suddenly u felt to give this CD to me?" He smiled....as always ..in a sarcastic way ...and said...."Ok Mansi, jst tell me wat u actually learned from this movie?"...
"Well Sir, this movie was all about the power of thinking...how every person in this world attract things towards him...good or bad..jst by thinking about the same thing. For instance, if I consistently think that I am going to flunk in this exam then actually I will not be able to clear my exam. In the same way if I think something good again and again, then I am actually attracting that thing towards me.So, only by thinking good and positive aout people and things around, I can do justice with my destiny. Th whole idea of the movie was to think good things and not to keep any ill feelings for anything and any person"...He smirked....may be he was able to do wat actually he wanted to....I cud see that expression on his face."So...u gt your answer, their is always a reason for everything. Dunn ever ignore that msg.".... he said and went to his cabin.
Hmmmm.......he was right actually...yes..everything happens for a reason...and that thing happen coz of our pessimist thinking. Few months back I thought that I'll never be able to forgive some peoples and some incidents in my life...and these things are never going to come back in my life....but see the irony...these things not only came back in my life...I forgive those things so easily that even I am suprised how can such things happen? Few months back I almost considered myself as a victim of depression, but today I dunn have tym to think about anything(which is always a gud thing to avoid evil thoughts).....and yes..I am feeling relieved and happy with the things I am having today in my life...Yes, these things may not be completely mine , but still, I can at least feel those things for the time being. Something is always good then nothing.
Who knws these things cud become mine tomorrow..."Life is Always Unexpected....It always takes a U turn."
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Ankahee!!
7th Dec 2008 9:30 pm
Oh! he is calling? bt y? gawd, my(Sementha) heart starts beating faster.....
"Hello" I said
"Hi" he replied
Didnt know how to react I said, "Hi".
" I have left some books for you, they will help you in your Exam. Take them from David" he said.
"I already have ample of them, I dont need them" I said, pretending to b normal.
" No, jst collect them from him . M nt going to keep them again in my bags"
"Hmm......wen r u leaving?" I asked
"Tomorrow morning, at 6."
"ok. Take Care"
"You too, Bye"
The call gt over, n so our relationship. Damn me..Y didnt I asked him d reason? Y didnt I asked him ..... Questions starts bulging inside my heart.
12:30 am.
" All d best for your life. May you gt wat all u want . God bless you. Take Care"
I msgd him....waited for his reply...."Thnx for your wishes. have just left this place", he replied at 8 am.
Thousands of butterflies started flying inside my stomach. Is it really over? Will I never be able to see him again ever? Will I ever be able to talk to him again?
And like every other love story, my story also ended up like a "Sad Love Story". My mind gt back to d day wen we first met. Day of our counseling. 27th july 2006.We came on the same day of counseling..and fortunately or unfortunately got d same class, and then the whole flash back starts running infront of my eyes as if m watching sme movie, in which me n him r the protagonist....
Whole night I jst thought of all the tym, good or bad, we had spent together......and that night continued till date and is still goin on......
Sometym I jst wonder why relationships, for which we are very devout, end up like this. Why smwtym love carries us into the abyss, to make matters worse wid the ppl we love. Nothing in life is eternal, bt why love has to go like this from my life? After giving so much to a relation and loving someone so intensely, can we fall in love again? Everything around seems to b so awful (even me)..that I cannot fnd any way around. I read once that "Your destiny is seldom linked to those who walks away from you". Then, wats der in my destiny? When everyone around is happy, why only I cant see any bliss around? Will my future awaits the burial of my past?
I dont know wthr he is happy or not, wthr he remembers me or not....Bt I am not happy, and neither I will be, ever. Coz that pain and agony just burns inside me each and every second i live......live??? well dunn kw really shud I use this word or not....coz I dunn kw wthr m living or just walking on the path of life, going where life is taking me. I pretend a happiness I dont feel, I hide my sadness so as not to worry those who loves me and care about me.
But yes, as every person and every incident is written in your destiny to teach you something, I too learned few things about life and its mystery. I read in one of Paulo's book that "The vertex is hidden inside us, and we can reach it if we accept it and recognise its light". So true.
Despite the fact that everything contradicts, despite my sadness and my feeling of powerless, despite being almost convinced at this moment that nothing will ever get better, I cannot lose onething that keeps me alive :Trust, in me and my 'karma'( as i strongly belive in the power of 'karma'). I dunn kw wat will happen tomorrow.
I dunn kw wthr I will ever feel the same happiness or joy of life, when i'll b able to live a normal life ,But I believe that regardless of our age or circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of HOPE.
Oh! he is calling? bt y? gawd, my(Sementha) heart starts beating faster.....
"Hello" I said
"Hi" he replied
Didnt know how to react I said, "Hi".
" I have left some books for you, they will help you in your Exam. Take them from David" he said.
"I already have ample of them, I dont need them" I said, pretending to b normal.
" No, jst collect them from him . M nt going to keep them again in my bags"
"Hmm......wen r u leaving?" I asked
"Tomorrow morning, at 6."
"ok. Take Care"
"You too, Bye"
The call gt over, n so our relationship. Damn me..Y didnt I asked him d reason? Y didnt I asked him ..... Questions starts bulging inside my heart.
12:30 am.
" All d best for your life. May you gt wat all u want . God bless you. Take Care"
I msgd him....waited for his reply...."Thnx for your wishes. have just left this place", he replied at 8 am.
Thousands of butterflies started flying inside my stomach. Is it really over? Will I never be able to see him again ever? Will I ever be able to talk to him again?
And like every other love story, my story also ended up like a "Sad Love Story". My mind gt back to d day wen we first met. Day of our counseling. 27th july 2006.We came on the same day of counseling..and fortunately or unfortunately got d same class, and then the whole flash back starts running infront of my eyes as if m watching sme movie, in which me n him r the protagonist....
Whole night I jst thought of all the tym, good or bad, we had spent together......and that night continued till date and is still goin on......
Sometym I jst wonder why relationships, for which we are very devout, end up like this. Why smwtym love carries us into the abyss, to make matters worse wid the ppl we love. Nothing in life is eternal, bt why love has to go like this from my life? After giving so much to a relation and loving someone so intensely, can we fall in love again? Everything around seems to b so awful (even me)..that I cannot fnd any way around. I read once that "Your destiny is seldom linked to those who walks away from you". Then, wats der in my destiny? When everyone around is happy, why only I cant see any bliss around? Will my future awaits the burial of my past?
I dont know wthr he is happy or not, wthr he remembers me or not....Bt I am not happy, and neither I will be, ever. Coz that pain and agony just burns inside me each and every second i live......live??? well dunn kw really shud I use this word or not....coz I dunn kw wthr m living or just walking on the path of life, going where life is taking me. I pretend a happiness I dont feel, I hide my sadness so as not to worry those who loves me and care about me.
But yes, as every person and every incident is written in your destiny to teach you something, I too learned few things about life and its mystery. I read in one of Paulo's book that "The vertex is hidden inside us, and we can reach it if we accept it and recognise its light". So true.
Despite the fact that everything contradicts, despite my sadness and my feeling of powerless, despite being almost convinced at this moment that nothing will ever get better, I cannot lose onething that keeps me alive :Trust, in me and my 'karma'( as i strongly belive in the power of 'karma'). I dunn kw wat will happen tomorrow.
I dunn kw wthr I will ever feel the same happiness or joy of life, when i'll b able to live a normal life ,But I believe that regardless of our age or circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of HOPE.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
FRIENDS
"I sought them far and found them,
The sure, the straight, the brave,
The hearts I lost my own to,
The souls I could not save
They braced their belts about them,
They crossed in ships the sea,
They sought and found six feet of ground,
And there they died for me."
Friends, Pals, mates....call them by any name, meaning remains the same..
Friends are that part of life who can die for you..and dunn even ask u a question ..
They met u as a stranger and become your soul, they give hundred reasons to fight n millions to smile, they fight with you and then take you in your arms, they irritate you jst to bring the hell out of u n then laugh with u lyk insanes...Yes, they are friends.
We started wen we dunn even kw wat friends are...and today, its time to say goodbye's to one another. Today, one of my sweetest pearl is going, tomorrow another will go, and one by one we all will get busy with our lives...Bt the time we had spend together, those continuous laughs, those movies, bunking tutions and roaming here n der, those night stay, birthday parties, rains, partying without any reason, teasing, shopping....thousands of beautiful memories like these....will remain beneath our heart ,forever.
You ppl r d reason why I still smile , the reason why this place is still beautiful, y der exists immense attachment with every small thing. In lows or ups..you were always beside me, smilling ang giving me thousand reasons to cherish. You ppl are my soul and I Love You more then I love myself.
No matter how close or far we will be, We'll always b the same.....ALWAYS, stupid, cracking PJ's, with our ridiculous talks and reasons.
(Miss ya guys....love you......)
The sure, the straight, the brave,
The hearts I lost my own to,
The souls I could not save
They braced their belts about them,
They crossed in ships the sea,
They sought and found six feet of ground,
And there they died for me."
Friends, Pals, mates....call them by any name, meaning remains the same..
Friends are that part of life who can die for you..and dunn even ask u a question ..
They met u as a stranger and become your soul, they give hundred reasons to fight n millions to smile, they fight with you and then take you in your arms, they irritate you jst to bring the hell out of u n then laugh with u lyk insanes...Yes, they are friends.
We started wen we dunn even kw wat friends are...and today, its time to say goodbye's to one another. Today, one of my sweetest pearl is going, tomorrow another will go, and one by one we all will get busy with our lives...Bt the time we had spend together, those continuous laughs, those movies, bunking tutions and roaming here n der, those night stay, birthday parties, rains, partying without any reason, teasing, shopping....thousands of beautiful memories like these....will remain beneath our heart ,forever.
You ppl r d reason why I still smile , the reason why this place is still beautiful, y der exists immense attachment with every small thing. In lows or ups..you were always beside me, smilling ang giving me thousand reasons to cherish. You ppl are my soul and I Love You more then I love myself.
No matter how close or far we will be, We'll always b the same.....ALWAYS, stupid, cracking PJ's, with our ridiculous talks and reasons.
(Miss ya guys....love you......)
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
For you.....may you rest in peace
Life and death are the two unseperable part of human life.....
A grl...very lively, jovial, cheerful, full of life....a grl who loved everyone...n everyone loved her...always ready to help anyone...Very beautiful, cute, freindly.
I dunn know her personally...never do i hv met her ...neither i talked with her ever....bt der are certain pplz who left a long lasting impression in ur heart...in your soul...and when they go away...only memories lefts....
Few mnths back i ws jst peepin into my cousin's profile...there i came across d profile of a grl.. khushbu(name changed)..i saw her scraps in his(cousin's) profile...she seems to be very jolly natured grl...dunn kw why bt i sort of liked her. I visited her profile and after reading her full profile i gt dis idea dat dis grl is really nice...her life mst b full of colours, happiness, enthusiasm...she mst b a person with positive vibes.
Next day i asked my cousin about her...he said "This grl ws jst an orkut frnd..bt nw i have met her several times...shez a vry gud frnd of mine...and is really a sweetheart." After that I sumhw came to kw few things about her. Well as far as I kw her...shez a grl ,every boy wants in life... friend, every person wants to be with....optimistic, lives for today. Well...I even smetym thought to be lyk her...really...without even meetin ot talkin wid her ever.
Well...time passed by....Today, when I opened my orkut account...I gt a scrap from my cousin...He was soundin depressed and tensed.I asked him the reason....and reason was so shocking that even while writting all this, I am feelin terrible and still nt able to believe his words. "Khushbu is no more, she died last night coz of asthma attack.".................
His words are still echoing beneath my mind and heart. How can this happen? How can god be so rude? How can he take away such peoples? Is this life?
I dunn kw why pplz says watever happens , happens for gud? I dun kw wat gud god has hide behind this?
We dont have control on few things in life...Death is one of them...
A grl...very lively, jovial, cheerful, full of life....a grl who loved everyone...n everyone loved her...always ready to help anyone...Very beautiful, cute, freindly.
I dunn know her personally...never do i hv met her ...neither i talked with her ever....bt der are certain pplz who left a long lasting impression in ur heart...in your soul...and when they go away...only memories lefts....
Few mnths back i ws jst peepin into my cousin's profile...there i came across d profile of a grl.. khushbu(name changed)..i saw her scraps in his(cousin's) profile...she seems to be very jolly natured grl...dunn kw why bt i sort of liked her. I visited her profile and after reading her full profile i gt dis idea dat dis grl is really nice...her life mst b full of colours, happiness, enthusiasm...she mst b a person with positive vibes.
Next day i asked my cousin about her...he said "This grl ws jst an orkut frnd..bt nw i have met her several times...shez a vry gud frnd of mine...and is really a sweetheart." After that I sumhw came to kw few things about her. Well as far as I kw her...shez a grl ,every boy wants in life... friend, every person wants to be with....optimistic, lives for today. Well...I even smetym thought to be lyk her...really...without even meetin ot talkin wid her ever.
Well...time passed by....Today, when I opened my orkut account...I gt a scrap from my cousin...He was soundin depressed and tensed.I asked him the reason....and reason was so shocking that even while writting all this, I am feelin terrible and still nt able to believe his words. "Khushbu is no more, she died last night coz of asthma attack.".................
His words are still echoing beneath my mind and heart. How can this happen? How can god be so rude? How can he take away such peoples? Is this life?
I dunn kw why pplz says watever happens , happens for gud? I dun kw wat gud god has hide behind this?
We dont have control on few things in life...Death is one of them...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Race Of Life
"A friend in need is a frnd indeed"- a very popular phrase...repeated by my trainer during her lecture regarding personality development. What does it has to do with the personality?...I thought...does it? I remained quite , not wanted to distract her from her path which I always do.
She continues...giving various examples on life, office grapevine, rumours(how to deal with them), personal and professional relationships....the lecture lasts for about two hours...bt the question remained dere....wat it really has to do with our professional life?
After the lecture gt over, I went to her, She was expecting me ,as always, with a big smile. I asked her "We are going to be the part of this market where emotions rarely plays a role. We hardly get time to interact with people over there...will it be possible for us to remain in touch with our friends? Do this corporate world really has any place for friends, emotions, relations and all? I think once we are in the market, we can easily look over our triffle personal issues as we got to do so much of work there. Then why are you giving examples of life, friends, relations here? What is the need of even discussing things which plays almost no importance in the market?"
She asked "Do you have any sort of problem these days?" I said "Sort of, but thats not an issue,Once I'll jump in this market,i'll never bother for these things. Only I want to take my proffesional life at zenith"
She asked "Are you sure?"
Now at that point of time I was always stammering. She said "Think over it".
I came back..and for the whole day I just thought upon her one statement "Are you sure?" Wasnt M sure? why I stammered when she asked me that? I called her up and asked her that I really dont know the answer of that question. She said "Just think and you'll come to know, I want that answer from you".
I had no other option but to think, as this is my favourite task 'to think'.
I still dont know how to answer her question. But yes, I know that no matter how close or how far you are, you always need someone to be beside you. Your friend, your parents, your partner...anyone..anyone. There comes a time when we just run after our dreams like mad. We dunn even bother to see who all were walkin with us when we just started. We just run.. after all we have to fulfill so many dreams of ours.We never see peoples who helped us to stand up again wen we fall, we dont see those who were there with us when we were nothin...just standing in a queue, waiting for our chance to run. We never look at those who cheered for us when we were running. We just run...and finally reach at our destination. Happy, jovial, feelin like a king...and then we look back...for our friends, loved ones....But.....no one is there...not even miles away....where are they?...well, we left them far behind...behind when we were running..madly, aggresively...to accomplish our goal, not caring for anyone...just thinking about ourselves....and then ...we're left with nothing...nothing to cherish, to feel happy....we have lost everything in this race of life.
I havent answered her yet...coz i kw..she was right. No matter how much successful and content you are...these peoples, relations, who were with you in you downs are really the relations worth keeping when you are at your ups. Some relations are just unmeasurable. We'll meet ample of peoples when we go up in our professional life.........Bt we'll never be able to find such relations, such friends, such peoples ever in our life again.
We just tend to forget peoples when we step up the ladder....and thats the time when we actually know ourself what sort of person we are? Can we just let go anyone who was with us when we were nothing for the sake of our career? Can we forget all the things which he did for us when we needed him the most? Can we ever be able to forgive ourself to actually break the trust and relation with that person?
The answer is upto our conscience. Some peolpes still values relations and some still thinks they can do anything if they are professionally strong. They think that relations can be made if you have power,everything in life can wait or can keep on hold....But sumthings never come back, NEVER!!!!!!!!
She continues...giving various examples on life, office grapevine, rumours(how to deal with them), personal and professional relationships....the lecture lasts for about two hours...bt the question remained dere....wat it really has to do with our professional life?
After the lecture gt over, I went to her, She was expecting me ,as always, with a big smile. I asked her "We are going to be the part of this market where emotions rarely plays a role. We hardly get time to interact with people over there...will it be possible for us to remain in touch with our friends? Do this corporate world really has any place for friends, emotions, relations and all? I think once we are in the market, we can easily look over our triffle personal issues as we got to do so much of work there. Then why are you giving examples of life, friends, relations here? What is the need of even discussing things which plays almost no importance in the market?"
She asked "Do you have any sort of problem these days?" I said "Sort of, but thats not an issue,Once I'll jump in this market,i'll never bother for these things. Only I want to take my proffesional life at zenith"
She asked "Are you sure?"
Now at that point of time I was always stammering. She said "Think over it".
I came back..and for the whole day I just thought upon her one statement "Are you sure?" Wasnt M sure? why I stammered when she asked me that? I called her up and asked her that I really dont know the answer of that question. She said "Just think and you'll come to know, I want that answer from you".
I had no other option but to think, as this is my favourite task 'to think'.
I still dont know how to answer her question. But yes, I know that no matter how close or how far you are, you always need someone to be beside you. Your friend, your parents, your partner...anyone..anyone. There comes a time when we just run after our dreams like mad. We dunn even bother to see who all were walkin with us when we just started. We just run.. after all we have to fulfill so many dreams of ours.We never see peoples who helped us to stand up again wen we fall, we dont see those who were there with us when we were nothin...just standing in a queue, waiting for our chance to run. We never look at those who cheered for us when we were running. We just run...and finally reach at our destination. Happy, jovial, feelin like a king...and then we look back...for our friends, loved ones....But.....no one is there...not even miles away....where are they?...well, we left them far behind...behind when we were running..madly, aggresively...to accomplish our goal, not caring for anyone...just thinking about ourselves....and then ...we're left with nothing...nothing to cherish, to feel happy....we have lost everything in this race of life.
I havent answered her yet...coz i kw..she was right. No matter how much successful and content you are...these peoples, relations, who were with you in you downs are really the relations worth keeping when you are at your ups. Some relations are just unmeasurable. We'll meet ample of peoples when we go up in our professional life.........Bt we'll never be able to find such relations, such friends, such peoples ever in our life again.
We just tend to forget peoples when we step up the ladder....and thats the time when we actually know ourself what sort of person we are? Can we just let go anyone who was with us when we were nothing for the sake of our career? Can we forget all the things which he did for us when we needed him the most? Can we ever be able to forgive ourself to actually break the trust and relation with that person?
The answer is upto our conscience. Some peolpes still values relations and some still thinks they can do anything if they are professionally strong. They think that relations can be made if you have power,everything in life can wait or can keep on hold....But sumthings never come back, NEVER!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Search For Happiness...
"Bagiya bagiya balak bhage, titli phir bhi haath na lage,
Is pagle ko kaun bataye, dhoond raha hai jo tu jag mein,
Koi jo paye to mann me hi paye"
I have been searching for happiness.....all in the world....i found nothin....someone told me dat happiness is in making others happy...i made others happy ,bt still my search didnt end...anotherone said dat happiness is a matter of love...love sum1 n u'll feel happy..i did dat also.....n all i got is sadness n pain... my search, still continues..Others said to wait for it, i waited soooo long...bt it nvr came to me...Not knowing wat to do..i sat in peace n ask my heart dat wat is d matter? Why after doing so many things, m still alone and unhappy? Why i always chase for happiness n gt nuthin...my heart said silently...."D day wen u start to live widout any expectations, D day wen u start living for me(my heart), D day wen u start understanding the meaning of life, D day wen u start living for urself.....U'll get wat all u want.Expectations hurts, Company of others makes u lonely, N past gives u pain....So start living for urself, live for 2day, U r d one who cn make urself happy......" N den i found dat he ws rgt......My heart whom i have been ignoring for so long, is d reason y m alive...after giving so much pain n chaos to it, it still beats for me....supports me, trust me, undertsands me.
(Dedicated to my best pal....hope ur search will end soon......)
Is pagle ko kaun bataye, dhoond raha hai jo tu jag mein,
Koi jo paye to mann me hi paye"
I have been searching for happiness.....all in the world....i found nothin....someone told me dat happiness is in making others happy...i made others happy ,bt still my search didnt end...anotherone said dat happiness is a matter of love...love sum1 n u'll feel happy..i did dat also.....n all i got is sadness n pain... my search, still continues..Others said to wait for it, i waited soooo long...bt it nvr came to me...Not knowing wat to do..i sat in peace n ask my heart dat wat is d matter? Why after doing so many things, m still alone and unhappy? Why i always chase for happiness n gt nuthin...my heart said silently...."D day wen u start to live widout any expectations, D day wen u start living for me(my heart), D day wen u start understanding the meaning of life, D day wen u start living for urself.....U'll get wat all u want.Expectations hurts, Company of others makes u lonely, N past gives u pain....So start living for urself, live for 2day, U r d one who cn make urself happy......" N den i found dat he ws rgt......My heart whom i have been ignoring for so long, is d reason y m alive...after giving so much pain n chaos to it, it still beats for me....supports me, trust me, undertsands me.
(Dedicated to my best pal....hope ur search will end soon......)
Touching Desires With Silence
If today would my last day to live,
I wud fulfill all my desires,
A day without any pain, A day with complete bliss,
A Day when I have everyone, and thers's no one to miss,
A day when everyone loves me
A day without any agony,
A day with my loved ones,
A day with siblings and mum,
A day without any Tear
A day without any fear,
A day when I laugh out loud,
A day when I'll happily shout,
A day spend with my best pals,
remembering all those memories left so far,
A day when heart overflowing with love,far away from all hatred and pain around,
A day when again I live my life and feel beautiful things surround,
A day just different from today,
A day full of colours and away from hey,
But,this day is not my last day to live,and so I'am touching desires with silences,
Hopin one day i'll again live, I'll again laugh and become wat I really am....
I wud fulfill all my desires,
A day without any pain, A day with complete bliss,
A Day when I have everyone, and thers's no one to miss,
A day when everyone loves me
A day without any agony,
A day with my loved ones,
A day with siblings and mum,
A day without any Tear
A day without any fear,
A day when I laugh out loud,
A day when I'll happily shout,
A day spend with my best pals,
remembering all those memories left so far,
A day when heart overflowing with love,far away from all hatred and pain around,
A day when again I live my life and feel beautiful things surround,
A day just different from today,
A day full of colours and away from hey,
But,this day is not my last day to live,and so I'am touching desires with silences,
Hopin one day i'll again live, I'll again laugh and become wat I really am....
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