Ok…I have been awarded. Though I have been awarded before also, but this is the first time the award has come from a fellow blogger Soumya. Now, I could not start my post without mentioning something about her. I came to know her through this vast world of blogging…added each other in FB profiles. We haven’t talked or chat ever but there is a strange connection we both follow. As she said she connects with my posts…I would utter the exact words. Whenever she writes…no matter I comment or not…I make sure to read all her posts. She is one of those few people I know who can write exactly what they feel….giving a damn to what the world would think about her. And yes…how can I forget the song selections…Man! Let me tell you…we both have exact same taste in music!

Coming back to the things I am suppose to do:
1. Write a post displaying the award.
2. Write three good things about blogging.
3. Write three bad things about blogging.
4. Pass on this award to three new bloggers.

First thing has already been done!

Second, three good things about blogging:
1. Blogging has become my own little world now. This place is my best friend today. I can vent anything and everything out here. It never questions back. This place is my stress buster today.
2. I came to know some really wonderful people here. I came to know I am not the only one thinking the way I do. ..there are lot many people with whom I can relate so well that it seems like they are writing my words!
3. I feel so contented being here. It makes me feel refreshed and relaxed!

Third, Three bad things:
1. Anyone and everyone can read your life!
2. People start making perceptions about you without even knowing you. They don’t understand that what you write here is just a part of your life and not your complete life.
3.It makes me realize that how stupid can I go sometimes. Though I hardly re-read my posts , but whenever I do..I feel like..”Shit! I wrote that?? “

And now, last but not the least, passing on this award to three fellow bloggers:
Though I love each and every blog I follow….three is just a constraint:

1. Wildflower, Eva…the blogger I love totally. Her posts take me to another world. She is not only a fantastic writer but an awesome storyteller. I don’t know whether she’ll revert or not as she hardly writes these days…but she tops the list of my favourite blogger.
2. OutOfBlue, owns by Ashish. He is a blogger who writes without shackles. He not only writes about life or love…but on social topics too. A recent blogger but a prolific writer!
3. Transcripts. The first ever blogger I interact with and the first ever blog I read and became a follower of. His writing is real, crazy and true. He doesn’t crave for attention and ask for followers or comments. An awesome writer and an amazing photographer!

Phewhh…..Finally done with the task. Writing this between such a hectic schedule was quite a job…but couldn’t stop myself. Now the tagged bloggers are suppose to do this the same four things I just completed!

And yeah…this blog recently won one more award “Directory of best Indian blogs”

Talking Psychology!

I always wanted to learn psychology. But being a commerce student never got a chance to learn the same. After coming here I came to know we have psychology as a subject. Not to mention, I was happy and excited to finally know something about the subject I always wanted to learn. It’s not that I want to be a psychologist or something…but this term psychology always excites me in a strange way. I was expecting some aged lady to teach us this subject….but to my surprise when I entered the class I saw a young girl…somewhat around 24-25 years of age, standing at the podium. Not believing my eyes I still confirmed from other people …and yes, she was to teach us this subject.

She started off with her introduction and then the class started. She raised some very bold topics in the class , but her confidence and the way she took those topics up….she amazed me by her ability to discuss most complicated or what we say the “BOLD” topics so easily.

But something very strange happened…few things which she said…few questions she asked…few topics she raised….really disturbed me from the core. Talking about dreams…the id, ego and superego….the inner guilt, Oedipus and Electra complex, split personality…all little things which happen inside us all the time…without even our consciousness.

Are we human being really this complex? Can our inner desires be really so weird and bizarre? Do our thought process; the way we are today is because of the things we saw in the first five years of our life? Can those five years really make such a strong impact on our lives?

I don’t know about others, but her lectures are effecting me in a strange of way! Maybe I’ll be able to know myself better after this! Or maybe I'll be lost in her theories of psychology!

Welcome Me- Oh new place!

More than half month…and I haven’t written a single line…a single word. Time..when I thought I would be writing pages after pages…not a single word came out…I won’t say I was out of words…It’s just that so many things are happening around that I could not find a single second to stop, breathe and think what am I upto? Where am I heading towards? I left my city…my friends…my little world…came into a totally unknown city..with little expectations and lots of small little dreams in my eyes.

But sometimes you have to pay for your dreams…days here are not easy…Things sometimes get pathetically ugly….but this is what I chose…And here I am…away from family, friends…walking on a path unknown…so many things on stake..still a little hope deep within heart that things will get fine. Yes..I do feel alone sometime…alone cause I want to share things with someone. I remember when I was about to leave Agra, someone said ‘Go and make new friends’…and I replied ‘I am not going there to make friends’. Yes, I am not here to make friends..and I know I just can’t. But I am definitely looking forward to meet some wonderful people here…to learn new things…to explore more in this world…to get out of my cocoon and face the Real world.

I hope things settle down soon and this place accepts me with open arms.

Making memories!

“Day by day nothing changes…but when we look back..everything is different” said my friend once. And today I realize how true it is! The days I live…I don’t see anything different, any changes around. But when I look back..I realize how things have gone upside down. I have come such a long long way . Today when I look back I see people I met and lost..people who were just a stranger once and now have become an inseparable part of my life.…and how people once so close are just a known stranger. How my perception on relationships has changed completely…how the word acquaintance separated from friendship.

And when today I read my old posts…I got sure of one thing…things certainly has changed…not only around me..but within me too. I won’t say I have started thinking about life or the coming future more seriously…but certainly I have come to know lot many things about people and this world around. I don’t know whether these changes come for good in our life or not ..but they really change the way you live your life.




I don’t know why I am looking back at this time. Maybe because soon there will be no looking back. I save memories here by writing these words. People can leave you..things could be lost…your memory can become weak …but words…they remain with you…all your life.

One of those strange feeling when you know everything is going right..still something is missing! A weird haste...suffocation...not being able to feel happy for the good things around. Feeling of restlessness for no certain reason...or is it that the heart knows the real reason? Feels like closing my eyes and feel tranquility for a moment.

Moments!

Isn’t it amazing how every single day…every passing moment is so different from the previous one…and one moment gone would never come back again. That smile on your face, glimpse of that special someone..that one word which stopped your heart for a second…that touch …feel of first kiss…the person you met while travelling…that kid who smiled at you while you coming back from work…those uncontrollable laughs with your best pal…these small moments would never ever come back to you.

Life is a sum of all those little happy-sad moments. We tend to love some of them and hate the rest…but we can’t avoid them….these are our lives…these small moments of love, laugh, tears. I have met people who say they live like king size and some says they like life simple…one moment at a time. For some life is about parties, loud music, discotheques ….some live their life in a 9-5 job….some say that they live a combination of both…while for some life is all about to bring a smile on someone’s face…but aren’t we all living moments and not a life in whole? Aren’t we all same somewhere? And how our life is, depends upon the moments we lived.

Yeah….I am trying to live in moments and not in life. Life sounds too gloomy and heavy….moments brings bliss and a smile on my face.
And here I am ..standing on the edge of life…about to open a new chapter…trying to change the way I take life…turning life into moments…with a song on my lips:
“Aankhoin me jiske, koi to khwaab hai
Khush hai wahi jo, thoa betaab hai
Zindagi me koi aarzu kijiye, Phir dekhiye”

Untitled?? It doesn't need a title!

And yesterday one of my friend asked why I don’t write anything these days…and I realized it’s been quite a while since I wrote anything. I thought and realized I am loosing this zeal to make memories and save things for future. The reason for me writing this blog is not only to satiate my lust to write but also to make memories…with the things I cried for..things that made me laugh, people I met, those heartbreaks, my anger ..love..my tears. But today, when I could write so much…when so so much is happening in my life I ..in a strange way…am not feeling this need to write or to vent things out.

Few things with which I feel connected…books, music…I pass my days without reading a single page or listening a single song. The book I started some five days back….is still lying on my table with a bookmark on page number 123….and it’s been four days since its been there…on page number 123. And I am suffering from a new disease of forgetting things. I message people and later realize that I have sent a wrong message to the right person. I forget for what purpose I have turned on my laptop. I forget with whom I have to talk about what topic.

There was a time when I used to say that new place would change everything in my life…that it would erase all the bad memories and I would make new memories for myself…and now..when the time has come for me to go to that new place…I feel nothing is going to change. I have always been a victim of mood swings and now when everything is almost finalized…I don’t want to leave this place and move into a new city. This is so irritating…this behavior of mine. I get bore with everything...with messages, chats, phone calls, songs, places, TV channels and now even with these social networking sites. I hung the call in between while talking with someone coz suddenly I start feeling bored of it. I sign out from chat while chatting with all my close friends.

In all these months I never felt this urge to talk with someone….and today a moment came when I felt terribly upset for no certain reason and I wanted to talk with someone…just normal talk… nothing specific….and just when my best friend called I was totally lost and could not utter a single word to him. With him I don’t have to think before speaking…and I was blank and could not say a word.

I don’t know if this is mere stress or I am turning to be of this kind. It the latter becomes true…I am going to hate myself more ….I , anyways, never loved myself!


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