2017 and the year ahead

2017 was a bad year. So bad that I want to eliminate every thought of it from my memory. Alas, if only I could. It drained all my energy and my self-believe. I became a person I could not recognize. There was so much negative vibes around that I could do nothing but fight. And at some point of time, I gave up. I gave up coz all I thought was not to hurt people around me. I stopped thinking about myself, my well being, my mental status. It was tough not only personally, but professionally too. I was in a constant battle to prove myself. I never believed in gender discrimination in office environment because I never faced one, until last year. I had to prove myself at every step. I started hating my job and to be honest I was doing it just for the sake of money.

2017 made me a person I never wanted to be. Infact, I hated myself for being who I became. I became a victim of many diseases. Both mental and physical. It drained all my health and mental peace. Nothing gave me peace. Food, travel, holiday…nothing. I thought I could not fight anymore. I had no energy left with me. All the rules and principles that I followed all my life were mocking me for being such a person. I am not a person who give up easily. I am a fighter and a survivor. But I broke down. In front of anyone and everyone. I am not someone who look up to people to support me…emotionally, financially and physically. But that time, I was so vulnerable, that I thought I could do nothing and capable of nothing.

I thought I could not survive it. But I did. I did survive, fought and took myself out from that aura that was dragging me down. They say every incident changes you. Some makes you better and some bitter. I thought, this one year made me bitter, more that I could think of. And no matter how hard I hit myself for it, I know I am not responsible for what happened to me. When you get hit by the people you love….when they let you down and break your trust time and again…there is only anger that is going to come out of it.

This year…I want to work on myself. To stop caring about people and live for myself for once. To vent out the anger no matter how much hurt others would feel, coz I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to fight with myself anymore. I want to do whatever I could to get myself back on track. Because this? This is not who I am. I am better and I deserve better and I will fight for it…till the end…till I will not become the person who I really am. This year, I hope, I could do justice to myself and give myself back the pride and love and care I lost last year!