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Sunday, August 19, 2012

Keeping mum....for you!

When he left…for worse or for better I don’t know…but when he did…I thought there will be no one ever in my life who’ll effect my being with such a strong intensity….who’ll change me brick by brick…wall by wall and make me a person so closed with everybody…coz with time this one stranger became my reason for existence….my reason to feel happy…my reason of being sad. I never realized with time what am I becoming as a person…what weakness I am developing beneath the strong persona that I carry. But it is said that distances makes you realize things you never thought exist. We were ‘WE’ then….no ‘I’ and no ‘You’….u know…’We’ we were. We had each other in each other’s life….just each other. Things were good. Things changed with time…today when I look at ‘We’… I find ‘Me’ and ‘Him’. To the changes…..I still have him….he has ‘too many me’s’…u know….too many for me to handle. I fought…I cried….I spend hell of sleepless nights…for asking for ‘We’…for making ‘I’ and ‘You’ become ‘We’ again…but you never realize how and when things change so abruptly!

I still hold a place I know…but the security has lost…of togetherness….of trust! And with time I realized it’s of no use fighting for it. So I decided….to keep mum! I have decided not to utter a single word now. I may destroy myself in the suffocation…I may weep all night coz I want to talk about so many things…coz I want to listen that voice again each night like before…but I would never ever say this…never ever express what am I missing…and what person I will become in this process of self destruction!

Yes, I made a mistake. I started feeling something I shouldn’t have….but I am not the only culprit here. The only difference is my feelings don’t change overnight….or it does not depend on the entry or exit of any third person between us. Coz I know my priorities and it does not change with time. The person, who was special for me, still is! I don’t treat people like trash and I know who deserves what. I would not value him less if ever my past comes back to me. Not even an ounch. But guess I need some reality checks now…I need to understand that this world is place where people are with you only when they need you…once the need is over and your substitute is available….you’ll be no more than just a name in the phonebook. You become just an obligation to fulfill.<> And hence, I have decided…to not express…to not share…to keep mum! And exit with silence….slowly….steadily. Coz this is the best thing to do..leaving for good….leaving for you!


5 comments:

Green Speck said...

Mistakes shouldn't be regretted ... they are needed 'cause they teach us a lot in life ... move towards self - progression, not self destruction. Cheer up and enjoy life yaar :-)

Soumya said...

I know you for quite sometime now. And I've seen you be in this mould for like ages. Get out dear, make an effort. It shall all be fine. Just leave without regrets. Think of them as failed attempts.

You know me for a while too. See how I was then and how I am today. Think for yourself.

Jack said...

Mansi,

Mistakes are made in relationships and it is good to have an open logical communication with partner to erase the root of differences. But mostly due to EGO problems two involved can not do it. Then it becomes little too late as the crack which was easy to fill in the beginning widens and becomes difficult to fill it. If you can, do share what happened.

Take care

Kathan said...

Mansi,

It seems the world around you is changing too fast and I can sense what kind of phases you are going through.

Why not to plan a short and sweet holiday, a break from everything ,may be a new adventure , a new hobby , some new (laughing)friends. Complete giggling like your old days.

Don't hurt yourself anymore for the things or people on which you have no control.

Looking forward to see some curved lines on your face.

Cheers

Mansi said...

@GreenSpeck: Life is much beyong 'enjoying' :)

@Soumya: I am happy for you :)

@Jack:It is TOO LATE !

@Kathan: The curve has start shaping up :)