Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My Wandering Thoughts!!!!!!!

A part of me was not there.....a part of me was still missing....I suddenly stood up n asked to leave...."Pls complete all your work first"...said my supervisor.
"Not nw Sir, pls"
"Ok...but make sure u complete all your work before coming to office tomorrow"
I was bursting out of anger...what is this...cant a person take some tym off even after working for 10 hrs ?
And that frustration was easily visible from my face. I took my bags and went face was burning with anger...i preferred to walk......something was missing deep inside....wat i did? I thought. Omg....wat my colleagues will be thinking about unprofessional i behaved today....wats the matter?
I realized ,i have changed. I am not the one which i were few months back...My emotions...they are now easily visible from my actions and face.Emotional breakdown is now a common thing for me. The thing which i hate the most, to display emotions in front of everyone. Damn what am I doing? M loosing myself.
"We're allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us"- a quote from one of Paulo's book suddenly strikes in my mind. Have I committed the mistake which is now destroying me? Yes, I am destroying myself. I probably have those things today, which I wished for few months back...still m nt happy..still heart wants something else.Why do we have to listen to our hearts? may be coz , wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure. Treasure????? Now who is actually going to define its meaning? A question which always disturbs me since childhood. Who is going to decide the definition of right and wrong? Who is going to decide things good or bad for me? Who is going to decide black and white? Cant I live my lyf in gray? Should I do things which makes me happy or the society of which I am a part? Should I live for today or for tomorrow? If for today then who will be responsible for my tomorrow? Should I ask questions from my heart or should I keep myself quite as my brain instruct me to? Should I feel happy for the things I have today or should feel said coz things which were with me are not mine today? Should I feel sorry for ngt which remains alone or shud feel happy with day? Should I cherish past moments or feel regret I dunn have them today?..............
"Why so late today?"- asked mom
It took me about 15-20 mins to come back to senses and to realise that I have reached home and that too via walking(lolzzz)......Yes, I reached home and dont know when? This is what happen with me wen I start thinking. The reason why I avoid thinking but still enjoy it more then any other thing( God, I still enjoy atleast sumthing... :-).. )

Monday, September 28, 2009

The Untrodden Path

A path left far behind... a path decided not to walk on...a path full of regrets and pain...and today again found myself walking on the same path not knowing where this path will take. Why again a feel of helplessness has emerge? Have I again come on the wrong way? Is this path really not worth walking? Whats the ultimate destination of this path?
Why I cant see anyone around? why the surroundings are so dark? Why these roads are inactive? Am I the only one walking on this untrodden path? All I could see here are questions with no answers, All I could hear is the voice of devils asking me to quit, All I could feel is the fear unknown, fear of loosing something, sumthin deep close to my heart, All I could sense are the laughs of evil spirits on me. Why am I not my usual one today? Whats stopping me to laugh, whats stopping me to be happy?
Is this the untrodden path I wished for ?