Thursday, January 31, 2013

We never really lose anyone!

There is a great satiation in every sense of dissatisfaction, a little love in hatred, a care in ignorance. There are memories in dreams, a holding back in moving on and light in the night.

I wandered for peace..I still am. I looked out for love. I am scared of changes. Losing things and people scares me. Uncertainty of life has always made me weaker. Memories and past are my only solace. I find old pictures to be actually mine than the people around…I consider old mails, messages and conversations to be real than the present conversations. I ask myself to not attach with people but this is what I end up doing every time. I miss the moment when it passes away. I miss being with people who are not with me today.

And all this time I have been living a life, thinking that I have lost the good part of my life. But don’t we all somewhere think the same way? We miss the moment when it is gone…thinking it as the best part of our life and miss the thrill of the present moment…and then we miss the same moment after sometime.

But now I believe we never actually lose anything or anyone. We just tend to look into different direction. How can you ever lose something which is present there..inside your soul? If you loved someone and think you have lost them…you never really have loved them..coz you never lose your loved one…they remain with you…all the time..sometimes in the form of smiles..sometimes in dreams…sometimes in tears and sometimes in memories. You could meet them anytime you want…coz to love or to be with someone…physical presence is not what’s just the feeling that matters. Like we love god..or what we say as superpower. We never meet him..we never see them..but we love him and believe him with our heart, we believe that they are here with us during our hard times, during our moments of losing hope. Atheists have their own belief that makes them stronger. They may not believe in god…but they believe in their “belief”.

So why do we cry? Why regret something which has not actually happened. Why moan on the loss that never occurred. Believe and know that life is just a journey travelling on the track of time..where we do not lose people…we just change compartments. We can’t see them but know that they are with us..travelling in this same journey…on the same the same time.

P.S. And to all the people I thought I have lost “You all are here with me. Maybe we never travel in the same compartment again..maybe somewhere…while changing compartments..we cross ways…maybe we will meet somewhere in this journey..somewhere down the line, you all need to know are travelling with me…in the same train..on the same track…at the same time :) “


It’s been more than two hours since I have been trying to get a sleep, but yes..I could’t. I don’t know what’s going inside my head. I have been reading, listening music, spending time with myself…but there is this strange feeling…I don’t know it is anxiety or excitement..that made me jump out of my bed and write this. Life has been quite messy with the things going around. 2012 does not proved to be an year for me. Lot many things happened…LOT MANY. From dad’s heart attack to losing my best lifeline. There is nothing much I want to carry on to this year. But yes, it made me stronger…in a weird way. I have seen myself going down into the abyss of hopelessness, fear, sorrow and then raising myself again..piece by piece…one after another. But there were some pieces I lost in the tide that I am never going to find again. Pieces which were build of trust, faith…pieces that made the foundation of that love…of that companionship. I don’t want to hold hatred beneath my heart..for that will only break me more. I don’t want to carry bad memories..for I have made many beautiful with the same. I don’t know whether it’s a new beginning or the end of another era…I don’t know the reason for what all happened…but I want to forgive it all….I want to forgive the bad time, the people associated with it…the wrong doings…I want to forgive myself for the foul words..the ugly thoughts…the sinner inside me.

But I am not going to forget it. The incidents that challenged my faith…the words that shouldn’t have been used…the gestures that snatched my belief…the aura that made me feel ugly. I will not forget what made me weak…what made me helpless…what brought hatred inside me in the first place…

May the year like this never ever arrive in my life again…may I become stronger with each passing day….may my heart forgive the one that broke me…may my mind find peace…and may the ones that I lost in the tide live happily..with no regrets…with no guilt!