Wednesday, May 14, 2014


Today, at this point of time...sitting in an unknown city...among unknown people...drowned in work....I feel how lonely it is inside my heart. How void and empty. How hurt and disappointed. I believe in Karma. I must have hurt someone...ditched someone....broke someone. I must have. Intentionally...Unintentionally. I don't know. I...I am a good person...searching for shore....for persistence....for stability...for peace. Many...many people started this journey with me, but today...I am standing alone. I believe this is what life is. People...memories...we just leave them behind or they find their own ways. Some find the person to walk with...some...they just walk alone.

And it's hard to describe. This feeling. What you call it? Solitude or loneliness? There is a very thin line right? But that is what make all the difference. The more strong you try to become...the lonelier you get. And that one point...that exact point where you kept it open...someone will come and hit that too. And it's not good. That's the last thing you want from life. Coz after that, there is just no end to it.

Sometimes I wish I had not kept that point open. Should have closed it myself. Why give other a chance to kill you when you yourself can.

It's a rambling I know...but it has to vented out. How but?

I thought I am a good person. A good human being. But then, what defines good? Who define it?

I guess it's coming back. All of it. Some part that held years before. Somewhere. Or it's just the way I am. Some people love pain but don't want to be with it, yet never let it out of them.

Yes, I guess that's what I am. And that's what I'll always be. Until..........

Until.....someday.....I could meet me!


So sometimes...I just wake up in the middle of the night...and start wondering. I search for something that I feel I have lost. What is it, even I don't know that. But I wonder...why...suddenly..often...I feel this void inside. What is it that is missing in my life. I mean not everyone is blessed with everything...but this thing....which I look for amidst the night...has to be substantial. Something of high value....of immense importance. And it's been years...but I still can't figure it out.

And then I it only me? Or there are people around the world who just wake up and start wondering...or do not sleep at all for that matter. I am still searching for the answer. But sometimes, I feel some people are born that way. They always feel this strange emptiness inside. A hole inside their heart. An urge to find or get something which actually doesn't exist. This is madness. I know. But this is how it is. And we, people like me, have to accept it. Sooner or later.

The Name

She wanted to give it a name. After ages, she felt that this is it. It was nothing what she always wanted but yet it felt right. And so,one night, she decided to give it a name it 'Us' from 'I' and 'You'.

Alas, he never had one. The name. He couldn't take one. The Name.