Sunday, September 2, 2012

I Quit!

The age has come, the life is over and the ventilator couldn’t work anymore. There is no use in trying to extend the life of something which is dead already. Is it any? So…what to do now? Coz I am broken…so badly this time that I can’t try any more..not even an inch! Things change with time..that’s the universal truth that everyone knows including me…but I don’t believe in relations that change with time…I don’t believe in bonds, trust and faith that change due to circumstances…and if they do..then it’s time to let them go…to let go of even the most dear thing from your life. Keep the memories with you…like we keep of the person who is no more with us. We accept the fact that he has to go..but we do not stop loving him/her. The same is with life….and with people…time come and they have to go…you have to let them go…keeping the good/bad moments with you..forever…coz nothing but the memories remains! And hence I QUIT! I quit from the insanity….the possessiveness…the boundations….the suffering I gave you! I quit from the sympathy…the obligations…from the lies and things you hide! I quit from the days spent in trying n making things alright…and ruining them again the very next day. I quit from the avoidance…the ignorance….the sharing of you with each and everyone around…of watching you walk away…of getting counted nowhere….of being nameless in your life..of crying and making you cry each night! Those moments of despair, the agonies and cries, the fights to make things alright the solutions that were never right and then....after days and months that very exact moment when u know its time to let it go! let it go!

The voices inside!

If I could write what’s going inside my mind…you’ll see a paper filled with black lines…just lines…drawn with no proper synchronization. No words…no sentences…just lines drawn one over another…all over the page. This is what the state of my mind is. Blank. Or maybe too many thoughts running at the same time. I feel exhausted. I feel numb. I feel like a one standing in the middle of the road…and every damn person crossing by is laughing at me. I feel like shouting….shouting back to the world for their voices…their laughs is making me mad. I never wanted this phase is my life again….the phase where my mind and heart fights with one another for each passing second and oh lord! I feel weak…so weak to even ask them to stop and let me live in peace. And for the first time ever in my life…I feel homesick! My dad was always right…there is no one in this world who will stand by your side…your friends, your best friend…even your love will stand apart when the time comes. You have to fight this battle alone. Don’t make favorites’, do not trust blindly, do not fight for a person with the world….live for your own too! But such a fool I was…such a fool that in this journey I forgot I have a life too…I started living for someone else…sometime for my love..sometime for my friends…and sometime for the relation undefined….and today when I look around…I see this world laughing at me…coz everyone else has made their made way….everyone else has choose their path…has make friends for benefit…some got new friends…some got partners…and I stand here…still….bewildered…confused like a moron…searching for the ones who were here with me till yesterday….but I find them nowhere around today! P.S: These voices are making me insane…is it the world laughing at me or I am laughing at myself?