Photographs- Memories!

Out of all the men I had(have) in my life..men I dated…men who were friends…who were more than friends….flings….passing affairs…Men who broke my heart….men whom heart I broke…he was the most special one. If I were to classify men….I am dead sure I can’t put him in any category. He was beyond that.

Though he broke my heart too…more than heart he broke my trust….but certainly he was one of a kind. No one, till date, has ever understood me like he did. Held me like him. He was a friend…a companion….a confidante. He was mine…all mine…for whatever span he was with me.

Yesterday….when I was going through the pics in my phone to make some memory space, I found this pic. Of me and him. He holding me by my arms. It was my favourite pic of us together. It still is. The twinkle in my eyes…contentment on my face…and proud in my smile. I could see that pic for hours….without blinking. I have never looked this satisfied ever.

I made that pic my phone wallpaper. And whenever I open my phone..close my eyes to sleep and wake up..the last and first thing I see,respectively, is that pic. And strangely it brings a smile on my face. Thinking about that time. The bond..the nexus we shared.

I was a proud person then…proud of the friendship we shared…the bond we had…the level of understanding. And I thought…for the very first time in my life…that no matter what happen…he’ll never break my heart…he’ll stay…forever…no matter what.

It's been an year now...lot has changed...things changed…time changed…and somewhere ‘we’ changed. For good or for bad. I don’t know. But we did. Today we are nothing more than strangers who know everything about one another. And somewhere..no-one knows us better than we know each other. Every vein you know. Every single vein.

But that’s what life is. Isn’t it? Everything comes with a life of its own. And it’s best to say goodbye when the time come.

And at one such night like today…looking at that pic…beneath the moonlight…I could do nothing…but smile…thinking of all the good old memories…the laughters…the fights…and the patch-ups.

Alas, sometimes…there are no patchups! 

Hollow silence!

It is in those half sleep half-awake night when you wake up abruptly, you realize that no amount of shopping…beauty salons …sitcoms or alcohol could fill the void which is developing inside you with each passing day. People…relations…love…hatred….you have left them far behind. It’s just you against you today. The endless battle of you fighting with yourself. And fighting for what? Happiness doesn’t count to be on the list today. Or it is more like a mere word that exist somewhere in between the thousands of words in the dictionary. Books? There are tens of unread, half-read, and bookmarked stacked on your bookshelf.

Where is the tomorrow? And when did today pass? Why yesterday is so blur to remember? And where am I? Which phase? What time? Yesterday-today-tomorrow?

And the eyes start paining from insomnia. Brain…could burst anytime from the overflowing thoughts. Thoughts that is impossible to track. Like you just woke up from a dream you can’t remember but still could feel the restlessness.

There is no sad-ness. No melancholy. But no zeal. No excitement. To live is more of a like an obligation. Moments of bliss are temporary. Like a micro second. And then there is no dawn to this dusk.

This is what life has become. And there is no ending of it. Of the void. Of the ‘asked’ loneliness. Of the silence…within…around. And there are no regrets either. No qualms. No complaints. Just nothing.

Just the hollow silence. A hollow silence!

Sometimes...you just know!

When someone breaks your heart...challenge your faith…and leave you in the middle of a storm, you lose hope and make a belief…that every other person you’re gonna meet is going to ditch you…somewhere…at some point of time. Trusting again takes a hell lot of time, patience and strength to letting go of the past demons.

And one day…the storm passes…and you gather the scattered pieces of yours. In all the disaster…you learned to trust no one but yourself. Yes…at some dark nights..you still doubt yourself, your ability to stand up again and move on. Coz letting go is not the tough part…but moving on is.

But it is said that life never remains the same. It always gives you chances…second…third…and sometimes even more than that. But are these chances worth taking for? Does anyone deserve to hold those pieces of yours which you gathered with so much strength? Will you be able to gather them again if such thing repeats?

For I believe…that not everyone deserve to cross that line….to enter that inner circle of yours…to touch your soul and become the reason of your smile/tears. You may not be the best but you deserve good. Someone who could hold your hand and make you believe…someone whose mere existence gives birth to a strange strength inside you. Who doesn’t treat you like an option but as ‘Life’. And when one such person enters your life….you would know! JUST know!

So, don’t haste…don’t chase…coz when it’s meant to be…it will happen…on it’s own