Story of a tree!

I pass this huge tree in my society compound every day. While I am running late for work or just walking lost in my own thoughts. It’s been 6 months since I have shifted to this apartment. It was almost end of summers. This tree was lush green at that time. I never noticed it then, standing tall among his other mates.

Gradually, the wind changed and came monsoon. I could see his shinning leaves after it washed away his dirt and filth with rain. It is said that rain could wash away your deepest sins and could make you feel young again. It has the power to give you the zeal to live again, despite all the dark secrets hidden beneath the chamber of your heart.

I think this tree also had the same notion when he was flaunting his mesmerizing green leaves with elan. But as they say, nothing lasts forever. Everything changes. And everything that lived once must die. Slowly and gradually, his friend, his companion, the wind changed his colours too. You know….things change…people change…friends change. And so, one day when the tree was waiting for his friend, The Wind, he didn’t show up. The tree waited and waited. And one day, he sensed the fragrance of his long lost friend. There was he, the wind. But with whole new attitude. With all new intention. To destroy the tree. And with himself, he took along his new friend “The Autumn”. Tree begged and cried and made him remember all good old times they had together. But the wind was adamant. He had found his new friend. And gradually, slowly, the wind and the autumn destroyed the tree. The tree who was so proud of his friendship with the wind…who was so happy to see all his leaves going green and big…was now nothing but a lifeless soul..standing alone amidst the loneliness and grieve. He wept and cried. He stood there…wanted to die. He prayed everyday to god to take his life. He could not bear the betrayal of is friend. He could not bear it anymore and lost all hope.

But god had other plans. Wind and autumn forgot that after autumn and winters come spring. No matter how alone and lifeless this tree is today, he will find back his hope tomorrow. He will find another friend. He will get back what all he lost with time. Coz as they say…nothing stays forever. Neither happiness….nor sorrow. And so, this too shall pass. The tree will laugh again. Will live again. Will hope again.

Coz no matter what, at the end, good people get good things.

2013 : Last night of the year

It’s 12:30 in the night. Typical winter night. It’s so much cold out there that I could feel the chill even after sitting inside my quilt. And what’s the best part? It’s raining. It rained all day long and it still is. I could hear every drop of rain touching the ground. Yes, there is so much of silence that all I could hear right now is rain, tic-tock of clock and noise of me hitting the keys. One after another.

I do not want to write anything beautiful tonight. Nothing to touch anyone’s heart. Nothing to vent out and get away from it. No realizations. No ‘last-words’…no resolutions. I just want to sit…sit and watch my favorite sitcom all night. Without any thought. Without any regret. Without any hope. This year wasn’t bad to me. To be precise..it was good. I found few lost people…made some new friends…started my career. It’s been a satisfactory year.

But what I could not stop today are the thousands of thoughts popping inside my mind. Finding and making friendships, relations with the outside world is ok. It is good and a need I would say. But what about the relationship I have with myself? I somewhere lost the touch. I almost stopped writing. I hardly read. I do nothing to nurture my nexus with my own self. And today when I sat alone…thinking and looking back at this year…I could see people and people but could not find my own identity anywhere. The silence inside has become too loud for me to handle. And when the silence become loud, we try to find the easy way out. We get high…drink…watch sitcoms after sitcoms…roam around like hippies with no definite destination. And then one day, we peep into the mirror and find a stranger standing in front of us. We look into his eyes and could find nothing. Just cold..expressionless eyes. That’s the scariest part.

We don’t know what life has in store for us. Nobody knows that. And this hope. This hope is a bitch. I don’t know what 2014 has for me. And I do not expect any life changing event this year. All I want is this void to get filled. This silence to get vanish. And this heart to start beating!

December- used to be!

I miss those winter nights that used to bring solace...when cuddled up in my quilt I used to feel the warmth of being at 'home'...when friendships were real...when people were true....when there was no rush...rush to meet deadlines...to win the rat race...when december was vacation with good food and being with cousins...when I could sleep for hours without the anxiety of going anywhere. When nights meant books and chocolate milk...when 'gajar ka halwa' was the best dessert.

It is strange how with each passing moment we are getting away from our real self...turning just into mere faces in the crowd. It scares me at times...thinking of tomorrows...of the end....

I wish....if I could only turn back time!

Get a lyf ;)

It’s been quite a while since I have written anything…or have read anything good for that matter. Life has been such a roller coaster all these days. Or rather, this second half of the year. This year passed in a blink of an eye.

Coming back to today…when I took an off from work to relax myself and to sleep all day long…I had lil small chats with some people here and there (yes..I have been quite busy to talk to anyone for sometime..even my family). And my god! What a waste. I mean what the hell people. I don’t understand how people get so much of time to judge or comment or say anything about anybody’s life, when they have no idea about yours. I mean these people are already so much fucked up…and all they could do is gossip or comment about anything and everything you do.

What my point is…me drinking…or smoking…or roaming around or doing anything with anyone is none of their concern. I do not go to people and ask with whom they slept last night or went for ‘pre-honeymoon’ or put up a pic on watsapp or facebook with? I have been so much busy that I didn’t realize that people are actually ‘discussing’ me and my life when they have no idea what’s actually I am upto. Ok, I may not be in the happiest of state but I am good with whatever and whoever I am with. I do whatever I want and I do it with dignity and respect. I earn and I am mature enough to know what and when to do. I can and will go anywhere…with whom-so-ever I want to and will do as many check-ins too. That’s none of your business. And if you have any problem…then baby you always have the option to ‘unfriend’ me.  Feel free.

And so…shut the fuck up and live your life. If you do not have anything to do then go and join some NGO and do something good for the society. Don’t claim you don’t have time for anything but you end up discussing and bitching about me. I am anyways going to do whatever I want to.

November Love!

I love November. The way I feel the cool breeze crossing my body…through my soul. I love the warmth of hot cup of coffee cuddled between my palms. The cozy feeling, when I get inside my quilt. I love taking long walks in November. As if I am leaving all the yesterdays and yester-years far behind.

I love the silence that November nights bring. As if everything in this world ceases to matter. And it’s only me all around.

I love the equilibrium of this season. Neither too cold…nor too hot. Just perfect. The way life should be. Balanced. The way everything should be. Perfect blend of happy-sad moments…Of tears and smiles…of love and heartbreak..of bliss and pain.

I love watching lovers all cuddled up…sharing whispers…walking hand in hand…taking long drives in November evenings. The romance and love seems to be manifold under the pink winters.

Oh….I wish I could write lines after lines for this month. For my love….November Love!

Photographs- Memories!

Out of all the men I had(have) in my life..men I dated…men who were friends…who were more than friends….flings….passing affairs…Men who broke my heart….men whom heart I broke…he was the most special one. If I were to classify men….I am dead sure I can’t put him in any category. He was beyond that.

Though he broke my heart too…more than heart he broke my trust….but certainly he was one of a kind. No one, till date, has ever understood me like he did. Held me like him. He was a friend…a companion….a confidante. He was mine…all mine…for whatever span he was with me.

Yesterday….when I was going through the pics in my phone to make some memory space, I found this pic. Of me and him. He holding me by my arms. It was my favourite pic of us together. It still is. The twinkle in my eyes…contentment on my face…and proud in my smile. I could see that pic for hours….without blinking. I have never looked this satisfied ever.

I made that pic my phone wallpaper. And whenever I open my phone..close my eyes to sleep and wake up..the last and first thing I see,respectively, is that pic. And strangely it brings a smile on my face. Thinking about that time. The bond..the nexus we shared.

I was a proud person then…proud of the friendship we shared…the bond we had…the level of understanding. And I thought…for the very first time in my life…that no matter what happen…he’ll never break my heart…he’ll stay…forever…no matter what.

It's been an year now...lot has changed...things changed…time changed…and somewhere ‘we’ changed. For good or for bad. I don’t know. But we did. Today we are nothing more than strangers who know everything about one another. And somewhere..no-one knows us better than we know each other. Every vein you know. Every single vein.

But that’s what life is. Isn’t it? Everything comes with a life of its own. And it’s best to say goodbye when the time come.

And at one such night like today…looking at that pic…beneath the moonlight…I could do nothing…but smile…thinking of all the good old memories…the laughters…the fights…and the patch-ups.

Alas, sometimes…there are no patchups! 

Hollow silence!

It is in those half sleep half-awake night when you wake up abruptly, you realize that no amount of shopping…beauty salons …sitcoms or alcohol could fill the void which is developing inside you with each passing day. People…relations…love…hatred….you have left them far behind. It’s just you against you today. The endless battle of you fighting with yourself. And fighting for what? Happiness doesn’t count to be on the list today. Or it is more like a mere word that exist somewhere in between the thousands of words in the dictionary. Books? There are tens of unread, half-read, and bookmarked stacked on your bookshelf.

Where is the tomorrow? And when did today pass? Why yesterday is so blur to remember? And where am I? Which phase? What time? Yesterday-today-tomorrow?

And the eyes start paining from insomnia. Brain…could burst anytime from the overflowing thoughts. Thoughts that is impossible to track. Like you just woke up from a dream you can’t remember but still could feel the restlessness.

There is no sad-ness. No melancholy. But no zeal. No excitement. To live is more of a like an obligation. Moments of bliss are temporary. Like a micro second. And then there is no dawn to this dusk.

This is what life has become. And there is no ending of it. Of the void. Of the ‘asked’ loneliness. Of the silence…within…around. And there are no regrets either. No qualms. No complaints. Just nothing.

Just the hollow silence. A hollow silence!