Another night...Mundane thoughts!

Why do things keep coming back? Can we really lose someone when we don't own anyone! Aren't we responsible for our deeds? Can we blame someone for the things happened with us? I don’t know the answer….how can I? When both my heart and mind utter two different words….’Yes’ and ‘No’. My mind says I am responsible for whatever and wherever I am today. Things I lost and people I miss today…it’s because of my actions and my deeds. But my heart says No…I never wanted to be apart from the people I loved and still love. No matter how much I feign to do not care or ‘it-doesn’t matter’ attitude…I cry and die each day. The only difference is, today, I have become too used with the situation that it feels like a habit to cut myself and then see my own blood drops satiating my soul. I have convinced myself to lot an extent that this is what life has planned for me…that those someone’s were not meant to be a part of my life…that I wish them happiness wherever they are! But still a small portion of my heart denies this statement…still it shouts and says that they are mine….still mine. Sometimes I curse myself and sometimes them for bringing me into a situation where my heart is filled with pain, love, hatred and joy at the same time. It’s like feeling the heat of sun and mildness of moon at the same time.

This smile with drop of tears is really frustrating!