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Sunday, May 8, 2011

Another night...Mundane thoughts!

Why do things keep coming back? Can we really lose someone when we don't own anyone! Aren't we responsible for our deeds? Can we blame someone for the things happened with us? I don’t know the answer….how can I? When both my heart and mind utter two different words….’Yes’ and ‘No’. My mind says I am responsible for whatever and wherever I am today. Things I lost and people I miss today…it’s because of my actions and my deeds. But my heart says No…I never wanted to be apart from the people I loved and still love. No matter how much I feign to do not care or ‘it-doesn’t matter’ attitude…I cry and die each day. The only difference is, today, I have become too used with the situation that it feels like a habit to cut myself and then see my own blood drops satiating my soul. I have convinced myself to lot an extent that this is what life has planned for me…that those someone’s were not meant to be a part of my life…that I wish them happiness wherever they are! But still a small portion of my heart denies this statement…still it shouts and says that they are mine….still mine. Sometimes I curse myself and sometimes them for bringing me into a situation where my heart is filled with pain, love, hatred and joy at the same time. It’s like feeling the heat of sun and mildness of moon at the same time.

This smile with drop of tears is really frustrating!

11 comments:

Lehari. said...

"blood drops satiating my soul"
I wish i could send you a bucket full of Optimism in regards with the words above...
:(

Soumya said...

Hurts I know. Give it time, it shall all be fine. Give time, time too. Be strong. Every drop of blood will drain you out. Save it for someone who is worth it.

Regarding the mind and heart, its always gonna be opposites. My heart has always said a yes, but my mind a no. For the first time ever my mind is saying a yes, but my heart is adamant with a big no.

Mansi said...

@Lehari:
If that could help!

@Soumya:
The irony is everyone knows that..everybody is strong in some way or the other...but there exist those few moments of weakness when one fails and surrender to our emotions!

vineet said...

lot of pain 1 can feel,hope its nt ur story n if it is, forget the past as nothn finally lasts, lyf is beautifl
PS pain n lots of pain indeed

Mansi said...

@Vineet:
Isn't pain too is a way of living? or living too is pain smetimes?

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

I think some answers are better to be left off for time to decide. Whose fault, fault or not and what becomes of it, it is something time would tell. We have only choices at our discretion.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Mansi said...

@BA:
Agree! Only time will tell. Only time can tell!

Sh@s said...

Hmm...it hurts when you truly love and care for a person and that person leaves you for some or no reason. Take life as it comes and leave things on time. Time is the biggest healer and it answers most of the questions in its own sweet time that we ask.

Shaan said...

zindagi mei ek waqt hota hai jaha hum akele rehna pasand kartei hai....hum unlogo sey bhi dur rehana chatey hai jinney hum pasand kartei hai shaayad apney app sey bhi jayada....yahi hi waqt hota hai unkey bichadney ka wo yah nahi samajtey....hum unlogo ko nahi samja saktey haibas humari galti itni hi hai

But kuch (bahut kam) aeysey bhi kjo apki khamoshi ka matlab samjtey hai jo apko nahi apki rooha ko mehsuss kart tei hai and they are always with u...u will never losse such people...but hart to find

impuregod said...

Life is objective and subjective at the same time. Partly We are responsible for our 'present' and partly we let people walk on us(responsible in a way again). We do so in the name of "trust". But we ve to trust in something... nothing wrong in tat... but its all about either being the 'plague' or the 'victim'... we ve to choose a side.
May be we did things wen we were not mature enough to understand the consequences of our actions. But tats how life goes... people leave yo... yo leave places.. yo meet new people... yo go to new places...yo grow..
ma point of view... shit happens... tats like a tagline for LIFE... but we gotto keep exploring.. pain no pain... doesn't matter... life is more than people, trust, love, hate....

Mansi said...

@Shas:
Time certainly is the biggest healer....and smethings are better left unanswered!

@Shaan:
YEs...but we are always blessed with atleast one such person in our life!

@impuregod:
Life is such a complex web itself...we tend to make it more complex.And only we hv to face the consequences..