Sometimes!

Sometimes, you need reasons to stay. You know. Even a single reason. You may have gone for long. For months or maybe years. But there is still this little hope inside you. To return. To be called back. And for this, you need a reason. Not expectations. Not demands. Just a simple reason. To make yourself sure, that this time it will work. This time it will stay...not for forever. But maybe for a brief time.

But what if you doesn't get any reason. What if even after searching for long...even after waiting for long...you won't find any reason to stay?

What should you do then? Walk out? Haven't you already? And what would you ask from him to do? To give you a reason to stay? Is that a right thing to ask for?

Coz sometimes.....sometimes....things should be understood. Should be accepted. Should be given. And not said. Not asked.

What is to be done?

You know it’s like everything is running….across me…around me…and I am standing here…still…at one place…bewildered…stunned…shivering…sobbing…lost…not knowing what to do…which way to go….what to say and how to react. As if everything around is everything but not me. As if, I am not me. As if I have lost my soul. And as I stood there….clueless….soul-less….I saw myself. Right there. Standing and laughing at me on the other side. What have I done? Where am I today? What will I do next? Should I abandon this world which had left me months back or should I wait….wait for the things to slow down…to come to a halt? What should I do? What should I do?

Long walk-acceptance-memories-Me! :)

I have made it a rule….to spend atleast 20 minutes with myself everyday. All this time I have been running after things, people and what not. I wanted to hold on…to hold on time…to hold on people…to hold on everything that I had. And in this entire race I forgot that what I was trying to hold on is never permanent. Neither time…nor people. But the only thing that will remain by your side is your dignity and the only person that would walk beside you is YOU.

Today…I am in a phase where I am actually with no one. You know! NO-ONE. I wake up, go to work, come back, read/sleep/eat. And then I take a long walk. And this is my favourite part of the day. It’s not that I only think about good things and I only feel good during this walk. But yes, somehow, I feel closer to myself. I remember the good old days and smile. I remember the bad that happened and try to let it go…to forgive. I miss few people who were a part of my life once. A very important part. But I have somewhere accepted that whatever happened was for good. Sometimes, you need to let go of the things you love the most…coz holding on may cause more pain to them. And hence, you set them free. For good.

And during this walk, I think about the things I have....the things I could do....the decision that I could take for my life. I feel blessed to have a family that always supports...to let me live my life in a way that I want...to let me be independent and to discuss anything and everything with them.

I feel good to have very few but good people around...without any fake promises....without any expectations...but to be there.... I am not a girl who wants big cars n bungalows...I am not a girl with very big dreams. All I want from life is to do whatever I feel happy in...to be independent..of people...of someone else taking decisions for my life.I want to live my life on own terms....nothing more..nothing less!

I cannot be an option in anyone’s life. I cannot be dependent on anyone for any materialistic or non-materialistic thing. I have always been and will always be independent.

Yes, memories do come and go. No matter how much you try, some strands will remain in your life. But what you can do is stop trying and accept. And trust me…you will feel good.

P.S. Just when I was changing my wallet today…I found this. Yes, it does bring back a lot of memories but I was left with a wide smile on my face. It’s been around 1.5 years…and this napkin is still with me…as new as it was then.

P.P.S : And yes. My blog has made it to the list of “Directory of Top Indian Blog”, badge of which you can see at the right side above the Blog Archive. Some 571 blogs have made it to this list and yes, mine is one of them. It feels so good :)