No Coming back!

There are few moments in your life when you feel the utter void inside your soul. No matter with how many people you’re sitting , with whom you are talking to, even when you are throwing the fake smile and the twinkle in your eye in nothing but aftermath of lost a hope, you feel that nothing-ness inside.

I left a whole world of mine behind. Yes, it did pain a lot. It did hurt. But when I was almost done gathering broken pieces of mine…the world turned back to me. And this time, the world which was mine doesn’t feel the same. It feels as if I am living in a world which is named as mine but is carried by someone else and I am just a guest there. You know, it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

And then there are questions, zillions of them, inside me ..in my heard and my heart. And no matter how much assurance I am getting this time…how many statements of ‘everything will be fine’ I listen…they all sound fake…broken…hollow. Coz what my eyes are watching and what is being assured are entirely different. And this time…I cannot take chances. I am too broken to break myself again.

I don’t know when I came this far. When I became this person that I am today. You know when you feel that you’ll bring jinx to any person you’ll be with. When you find yourself awake in the middle of the night doing nothing…with some blur thoughts. I am a changed person today. Not that I do not care or love you. I do. I have just stopped showing it. And I won’t peal a single layer of this mask till the time you make me sure that yes, things are really fine.

I walked away because of few reasons. I walked because I wasn’t entertained there. I walked coz you gave me reasons to. And now if you want me to come back…you NEED to give me reasons. Coz in all these months, I have accepted one thing. That it has ended. That, it’s a full stop now. No comma, no connecting dots…just a full stop. And I made this believe after countless sleepless nights, infinite tears, suffocation and inch broad dark circles under my eyes.

For me, there is no hope, no hope for a new beginning, no hope for a better tomorrow with you. Coz I don’t want to feel anything this time. Neither hope nor disappointment. Neither pain nor happiness. Neither smile nor tears. Coz from where I am looking, nothing has changed. We just have stop discussing things that caused argument, which caused you to give clarifications, which caused us to close and share everything. We are just strangers who talk just for the sake of it. And I don’t want that. Not this time.

I have no intention of coming back. Not like this. Not like this.