The Last Night......

It was one of those early November mornings when the winters were just knocking the door and summers have already left. You could neither wear a sweater nor could roam around wearing Ts. A typical start of November.

With her stilettos in her hand….she walked bare feet. Wearing the dress she wore for the event that happened last night in her college. She could have borrowed his T which she wore that night when she stayed at his place. But she knew that they are not going to meet again and there would be no chance to return his T-shirt back. Moreover, she did not want to carry any of his belongings with her. She could have taken an auto rickshaw. She should have. But last night when she reached his place, she asked him to keep her money. Crumped currencies of 10s and 50s.

She has not slept all night. It was her plan to stay at his place…he, his best friend, she and HER. Without knowing that it would be the last night of their togetherness, their years long nexus…more than half a decade old friendship…it would all end that night….she made the plan and she suffered.

Drunk. All of them. Conversations. Confessions.Music. And then, half asleep…half in senses...drowsy yet awake….she saw them.TOGETHER. A thousand questions raised in a second within her. A million thoughts crossed her mind. She felt suffocated. Dead. Betrayed. Not that they shared any ‘named’ relation…She and Him. But it has always been there…that extra circle…that inner line erased only for him. He has always been the most special person in her life. Her best friend. Her alter ego. Her companion, her confidante. And so has been she. Before, HER.

The moment he raised his voice on her that night, she knew it’s over. The bond. The trust. It’s all over. It was till 3 in the morning when she sat in his kitchen. Alone. Crying. Sobbing.Thinking where it went all wrong. It was 4 in the morning she asked him, she wants to leave…at that very moment.

And at 5, she stood up…legs shaking, head aching from hangover. …splashed cold water on her face…changed her clothes..kept his T-shirt she wore last night on washing machine and opened the door to leave. But before she left, she turned and looked at him….sleeping. She looked at him one last time. Briefly. His eyes…his lips…his hair she never allowed to cut short. And the mole on his upper lip. He still was the most special person in her life. A tear dropped from her left eye. All those years flashed in front of her eyes. All those moments were mere memories now.

And then…she left…with her stilettos in her hand…bare feet…chocking…she walked out….of his house….of his life….of THEIR life………………

Life and Me- Today :)

And between the yesterday and tomorrow…the moment that just went by and the moment that is about to arrive…the past and the future…I found an amazing thing. This moment. Today. Present.

Yes…yesterday does matter. Whatever we are today, it’s because of the decision we made…the things we lost…the lessons we learned….the people we met. It’s been long you know….long phase of getting to know yourself….to chase happiness…to look for good in every bad….to find reasons…to BE good with and for people who doesn’t deserve a bit of it.

But I guess…and believe..all of it helped me grow…somewhere and made me strong. Sometimes, I amaze myself..sometimes I feel shocked to see how I behave at times. But whatever it is…I definitely have started living for myself…and somewhere…loving myself too.

Pessimism…people with negative aura…and jerks trying to bring jinx in my life have no place anywhere near my life. There is no place for lies…for feign emotions….in and around me. The moment I feel someone is trying to drag me into the well of negative thoughts..I just cut them off. And I know…soon…I’l l reach a stage where no-one could affect me and my thoughts.

Sooner or later.. There will come a day...when you'll set yourself free. You know! No cage of attachments...of expectations...of getting hurt. That day..you’ll look back and smile...smile to see what a long way you have come...how much your life has changed...how much you have changed as a person.

But before that...you have to reach the pinnacle of suffering...to touch the extremes...to kill the warm and affectionate person inside you.... to wash away the pain through tears.

So...even if you realize today that you have become as cold as a fish...doesn't feel anything inside...everything around seems nothing but fake...do not panic. Coz the next step is to set yourself free. From the pain...from expectations...from all the lies....from all the attachments that aren't worth it.

It's darkest before the dawn. Wait for your dawn. Just a lil more. Do not give up. Coz you are close...close to the point when everything will just get fine!

Life may not be fair. But it isn't fair for everyone. N that's what makes it fair!

P.S. And that’s my friend…would be a closure. The final adieu. The last goodbye. And the next day when you’ll peep into the mirror…you’ll see a new you. Smiling. Happy. Hopeful. YOU.