Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Art of Sharing!

I always had someone by my side to share my woes…my heartaches…my stories. I was good at it. Sharing things but keeping a lot to myself. People who were there used to think I have opened my heart out to them. But that wasn’t the truth. It could never happen, me opening my heart out to anyone. ANYONE. Though I was good at keeping secrets…I still am. I was confidante of many…there were few who were mine..but never knowing the whole story.

I never wanted anyone in specific in my life. It’s just that I have never been alone. Specially after I started my graduation. There were lovers, more than friends…un named relations. I have had them all. With few I connected like anything. But as they left, the power of me sharing my stories reduced. I never missed anyone for long enough to not let someone else enter. ‘Missed’, I guess is a wrong word here. I missed them all, I still do at times. Rather I never needed anyone. Coz I always had someone.

It may sound selfish or mean or whatever, but that’s the truth. Not every person is there for emotional support…nor for physical one. Few are/were there only for conversations. I have lost my ability to keep a conversation going. I feel I get bored…or I bore people. Either way, I just can’t keep the conversation going. It is not pity…not is just the way I have become.

I want to live alone…sleep…watch sitcoms after sitcoms…eat good food…and just be alone. I don’t like people asking me what has happened to me, or why I am angry all the time. It’s because people make me so. They make me angry. Maybe because I could not connect with anyone. I can’t talk. Not that I don’t want to. I just can’t.

So, yeah. That is, it. From bad I have become worst with sharing. And I do not regret it. Just that feel alone at times. But I guess that is okay!


Geets said...

You know I sometimes connect so much of what you go through. There are times when I don't miss anyone at all, and I'm happy with just the way life is. It's a phase where I feel good when I meet people but don't miss them much per se. You know, that urge to speak too much... that has gone... or is going down... I speak less and my brains, they've stopped working! Seriously! Presence of mind... I don't know where to find it!

It feels so good to read you and know more about what goes in your head through your writing..
But, I do love you :) <3

Sathya G said...
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Aditya said...

its so the same with me right now.

i cant connect to anyone at all. well i always used to be an introvert. i could never share my thoughts to anyone.
i recently started doing it , because people said it would be better. i did. and it ws such a waste.

they are better inside.the thoughts. i am so better alone. i so am.

its surprising i came back to blogging after years and found your post which i could so identify with. so you're not the only one who's real bad at sharing. you've got competition. :p

Anonymous said...

Can relate myself to each and every word of all your blogs Mansi..!

Juss felt as if you wrote these blogs for me to put my thoughts in words...

Keep writing.!!