A battle already lost!

Losing you is the most risky thing today. Such a phase has reached that one step forward or one step back would ruin everything. You are like an addiction to me. To an extent that life runs with you.The pain of a single thought to have a life without you is so extreme, that wounds feel nothing. Life is numb. I am numb. The only sense my body, my mind, my heart feels is of you. Distracted I am. Agitated I am. Between life and pain I have choose pain. Pain…to have you without you, to share you and to burn myself with that agony. It has become scary to face my own thoughts now..to think of my desires…to face the reality…to face myself and hide things. It’s scary to hold on emotions and to wear a mask everytime. It’s frustrating to know what exactly you feel and to avoid every thought of it.

That's the way it is!

Mistrust. Insecure. Weak. Distracted. This is the way it is actually. The contrary is just a veil. A mask . A camouflage to hide the reality…the truth from the world around. This world is ruthless. Harsh. No place for weakness…no excuse for being dependent. The world moves on. No one waits. NO ONE! They say life is practical. You have to be more pragmatic. Throw out your emotions if you have to survive. Survive? Why can’t we LIVE? Is surviving the only option today? Everything …every emotion….every concern is just a mockery. Materialism rules. Truth fails. It’s a world of puppets out there. Fake..selfish…lier. Guess this is the way it has become now. Guess that’s the way it is!

23

23. The number of years I have spent here on this planet earth. My life has never been any extra ordinary in all these years. Have always been a mediocre. No scintillating looks, no extra ordinary career, no oh-so-high ambitions, no great achievements. But whatever I have lived…whatever I have faced…I have no qualms and complains against anything today. The kind of person I am today…the way I handle things in my life…the few left over relations I have…I am satisfied with all. I know I have changed a lot in all these years. I don’t feel emotionally attach with people I meet now…no matter how much care and concern they shower on me. I know somewhere I have become a cold hearted person. I know it’s almost impossible for me to connect myself with the people around, again. But this world always compensate the losses. I feel blessed to have few people by my side. Infact, there is nothing I feel missing in my life right now…except for few roller coaster thoughts that come and leave my mind every other second…few mood swings which have become more frequent off late. This day is again not going to be any special day. College till evening and then back to boring hostel life. That’s the way it is! That’s the way I have made it.