But whenever I think of it…the hatred part inside me which is emerging too strong as a emotion..I feel it is somewhere taking me away from myself. I am moving away from the things that made me feel alive. I do not spend time with myself…it’s been like ages since I have sit and think about myself..about where my life is heading towards…what I am becoming as a person..It’s been long since I have written anything. I mean just too much has happened in my life in the last few months but I have nothing to write of…I just could not vent it out and hence the anger, pain is still inside me…filling the vessel of patience and perseverance with such a great speed. I wonder what will happen if this continue for long.
I am not my usual self…I feel anger and I laugh…I feel like crying and I start feeling hated….I feel helpless and I smile. I avoid facing things or rather prefer to move leaving that thought behind. This is so not me. I show emotions which I shouldn’t. I share things which I should have kept inside. I do things which are not right. I sometimes feel I have started faking with myself. I am losing the actual me. I am developing feelings which make me feel strong but guess somewhere taking me away from myself. I don’t know what exactly is it…I don’t know what this ‘Hatred’ thing is doing to me. For I just do not think about it at all. The people I was so attached with, I do not feel any connection with them today. I feel like everybody is just fulfilling the formality of being with you and so are you.
Is it the new emotion I am developing inside or am I losing the existing one?