Today…when I look back, I realize what a long way I have come since then. What turn around my life has taken and what a person I have become today. Yes, I have become more independent…..emotionally…financially…physically. I am coming in terms with life. There is no-one or nothing today which takes me by surprise or shock. Coz I have accepted almost everything. Today, if someone hurts me or pushes me to my limit…instead of complaining I just take a step back. I have somewhere make a distance with everything around. Too much of familiarity give rise to expectations and with expectations comes disappointment and with disappointment you get into pain again. It’s all like a vicious circle.
Yet…sometimes…I feel lost. People turn me off. Fake emotions…those oh-i-so-care-for-you talks piss me off. I do not want anyone to expect anything from me…coz I know I would never be able to fulfill their expectations. And if I can’t, I do not have any right to expect from them. This world works on give and take relationship. You give something…you expect something back. It always…..always works like that. So those who says ‘my love for you is oh-so-selfless are just lying’. There are no free lunches in life.
But, at times…I ponder over things that sound so mundane the next day. I wonder do I have anyone to whom I could call 3 in the morning…without giving a thought..and just talk my heart out? Is there anyone who could understand me in a way that even I couldn’t? Is there any person who could take away all my fears and makes me believe?
Not that I do not have people who don’t love me or care for me. Or I am lonely and all. But I guess there exist very thin line between being lonely and being alone. I do not feel lonely….I feel alone. As if I have wake up from a dream and have found myself in a middle of a road…not knowing what direction to go towards. I believe most of us feel that way at some point of time. We all have been there. Yet we all have different fates. Different destinies.
It’s scary..not knowing where to go…what to do. But what’s scarier is to not know when it will end. The uncertainty. The doubts. Whether to take a step forward or to stand still…and wait for the storm to pass. Whether it’s only you or the whole world is looking at the wrong direction. Whether it’s just a beginning or it’s about to get over!