Friday, November 20, 2009

Ambiguity of Life!!!!!!!!

Sitting in my office....doing nothin(phisically)...and thinking what to think...lyf is so full of uncertainities ,that smetym have to ask myself what really m i doing with my lyf......M i really doing the thing I wanted to? M I satisfied with my work? M I really satisfied with what m doing today? Mind is becoming ocean of thoughts....everytym...24*7 only thoughts...thoughts...n thoughts!!!!! Why cant I live normal lyf like my colleagues? I feel alone in crowd...i feel content being alone.....what is this? Is this me? Is this the REAL ME? People are talking around me...but I am not listening to them...Why cant I behave lyk all my female colleagues...talking and gossiping about one another. Everytym I try to be a part of that group I feel immensely uncomfortable....I feel irritated their any problem with me? do I need a psychiatrist? I am not mad this is for smething is wrong with me...I could feel that.
I asked myself thousand times what I really want to do in lyf...and nothing my mind and heart answer....Its not lyk that I dont have any dreams or I am sme irresponsible person with no ambitions in lyf. I do have. Bt If smeone asks me what I want to be after 5 yrs down the line....I cant answer such question. And I am not ashamed of it.
I see many of my frnds running after their dreams...I too am after which thing that I dont know....may be happiness, may be fulfillment, may be fame, may be many things to run after.......
I wonder if it is compulsary to have a run after these things..Will I feel happy once I acheive these things. Then why people says that human needs are unlimited...If they are , then I am never going to fulfill all my needs, failing which I will never feel happy.
Is it mandatory to be like others? To do things what they are doing? To think lyk them? After all not every person could become a Tata or Birla. Ok I know not everyone is doing things to be Tata or Birla either(or may be..). But still.......
Anyways,have to get back to work. Will meet sme psychiatrist soon. :-)
As of now.....this is still a debate amidst my mind and heart. Though I am somewhat tired of this fight. But this is the only thing I do for MYSELF .

"U kw Mr.X is dating Ms Y these days........"
(Yawn)............My female colleagues(again)....

~Signing off~

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