There comes a phase when even the worst of thing is unable to bring tears in your eyes…even if your worst of nightmare comes true you don’t feel scared or something. You just don’t feel like crying..albeit you know something is just not right….things are not going the way you expected them or planned for…but then your heart refuse to shed a tear…your mind deny to feel anything…and you feel just so neutral about almost everything. And especially for a person like me, it becomes a herculean task to display emotions…and at this stage it is impossible. Over the last few years so many thing has happened in my life that now I don’t feel bad for my broken dreams….for the people I lose…for the things I miss. I would not say that all my dreams are shattered but for now I am left with no dreams. Yes, I don’t have any dream at the moment. Not that I don’t want to but it’s just that whenever I close my eyes to think of something , all I can see is darkness….darkness with no horizon. Is darkness is the thing I dream of? Could be!
But as the time has passed…I have realized one thing…that I am becoming stronger with each passing day…mentally…emotionally. I don’t feel this need to talk with someone or to have someone by my side when I feel low. There is a part of my heart which gives me strength enough to fight with anything and everything which comes in my way and try to make me go week. My life is not all that smooth I know….and its going to be more rough further…but when you are left with no other option, you have to stand and fight. This is the only way to deal with the things….and so I am ready for every fight…no matter I win or lose. Today, when people ask questions, I don’t feel this need to clarify my stance…coz that is not important….till I know whatever I am doing is right and justified. The only person I am answerable to is myself.
In whatever situation I am today, it is because of the decisions I took and hence I don’t blame anyone for this. I am glad that my father always asked me to take my own decisions and never interfered or questioned my deeds. I am glad that whatever I am today and whatever I will be…I’ll be happy at least ,coz If I created problems for my life then I’ll be the one sorting them out.
I don’t know about tomorrow, but for today….I am ready!