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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I hate it what you have done to me!

Because of you not even he listens to me now. Whenever I talk about you he changes the topic. I feel frustrated. Rarely do I talk about you these days…and whenever I do it’s only him with whom I talk. We have our own problems…but still I talk about you..for no good reason. He doesn’t listen to me when I talk about you. He says he don’t want to see me sad and crying again..he doesn’t want to see me in same agony and pain. I know he is right. I know you are a history now..a history which would never repeat itself. You are a dream which would never get fulfill….a never satiating thirst. I don’t want you back…but I need my life back. I need my giggles back. I need my dreams back. He says he don’t talk about you coz that would make me feel low…that he can’t see me crying..that he can’t see me playing with my life like this. I shout at him…I fight with him because of this. But..later I realize he is doing that for me. He is the only person who cares for me today genuinely. No matter how rude he behaves sometime…I know he is doing this to save me from the pain.

I hate it what you have done to me. I feel guilty and angry sometimes for the things I shared with you…for the time I spent with you…for the nights I thought about you..for the days I dreamt of you having with me…for all your broken promises…for all your fake words. ..for the mockery of my feelings. I am not trying not to think about you..no! I don’t think about you all day now…but still I can’t avoid few moments of urge and insanity to talk to you. You today are like a distant memory yet fresh. I sometimes feel that nothing happened ever amidst us…that still you’ll call me someday and make me laugh with your baby tone talks. I hate myself for I loved you once so madly and I still do…I feel angry for I believed you words…I feel stupid for I still believe you did a favour to me by doing all this. This feeling is all mixed up. I feel so helpless when I hate and love you both at the same time. He says you don’t care a bit for what I have gone through and still going through…he says I mean nothing to you. I don’t want to believe him…but my mind says he us right. I don’t know if he say all this for make me hate you. Maybe!

Today’s night I am not going to sleep. I can’t! Today is one of those nights when mind and heart seems to swap places...when reality moves in...when things fade..when you struck between yesterday and tomorrow...when you think everything is going fine and a disaster takes place. And that disaster is your memories! I wish I could drink today…the only escape from pain and your memories for a night!

8 comments:

Red Handed said...

Let it go my girl! Its very hard but holding on to the people who dint want you and dint appreciate your care, is like stabbing urself. Its hard to let go but look around, someone thr really cares about u.

Mansi said...

@RH:
Someone cares? It doesn't matter now!
and holding on or letting go is too risky a gamble...let the things be is what I blv in!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Won't you listen to the present and choose to let go of the past. Please do, it is for you.

:)

Mansi said...

@BA:

I have become deaf :-(

विवेक Call me Vish !! said...

leave it ...easy word to say bt its nt easy!! i just say take time ...take right decision !!

Best of luck

Jai HO mangalmay HO

taio said...

interesant

Shaan said...

i still remember a girl i use to talk ....she just use to think like me people use to ask question in blogs and she use to answer it...a answer the way i use to, thinking of a common person very simple.....but today when i read all this thing i find that she has move forward.....a words which reflect her shadow, a felling of suffering ......

I know very few time left for all this thing soon their will be stability....Allaha will answer u when he say even a deaf person can hear ......Rabrakhaa...!!!

Mansi said...

@Vivek:
thnx!

@taio:
:-)

@Shaan:
Amen to that!