Making memories!

“Day by day nothing changes…but when we look back..everything is different” said my friend once. And today I realize how true it is! The days I live…I don’t see anything different, any changes around. But when I look back..I realize how things have gone upside down. I have come such a long long way . Today when I look back I see people I met and lost..people who were just a stranger once and now have become an inseparable part of my life.…and how people once so close are just a known stranger. How my perception on relationships has changed completely…how the word acquaintance separated from friendship.

And when today I read my old posts…I got sure of one thing…things certainly has changed…not only around me..but within me too. I won’t say I have started thinking about life or the coming future more seriously…but certainly I have come to know lot many things about people and this world around. I don’t know whether these changes come for good in our life or not ..but they really change the way you live your life.




I don’t know why I am looking back at this time. Maybe because soon there will be no looking back. I save memories here by writing these words. People can leave you..things could be lost…your memory can become weak …but words…they remain with you…all your life.

One of those strange feeling when you know everything is going right..still something is missing! A weird haste...suffocation...not being able to feel happy for the good things around. Feeling of restlessness for no certain reason...or is it that the heart knows the real reason? Feels like closing my eyes and feel tranquility for a moment.

Moments!

Isn’t it amazing how every single day…every passing moment is so different from the previous one…and one moment gone would never come back again. That smile on your face, glimpse of that special someone..that one word which stopped your heart for a second…that touch …feel of first kiss…the person you met while travelling…that kid who smiled at you while you coming back from work…those uncontrollable laughs with your best pal…these small moments would never ever come back to you.

Life is a sum of all those little happy-sad moments. We tend to love some of them and hate the rest…but we can’t avoid them….these are our lives…these small moments of love, laugh, tears. I have met people who say they live like king size and some says they like life simple…one moment at a time. For some life is about parties, loud music, discotheques ….some live their life in a 9-5 job….some say that they live a combination of both…while for some life is all about to bring a smile on someone’s face…but aren’t we all living moments and not a life in whole? Aren’t we all same somewhere? And how our life is, depends upon the moments we lived.

Yeah….I am trying to live in moments and not in life. Life sounds too gloomy and heavy….moments brings bliss and a smile on my face.
And here I am ..standing on the edge of life…about to open a new chapter…trying to change the way I take life…turning life into moments…with a song on my lips:
“Aankhoin me jiske, koi to khwaab hai
Khush hai wahi jo, thoa betaab hai
Zindagi me koi aarzu kijiye, Phir dekhiye”

Untitled?? It doesn't need a title!

And yesterday one of my friend asked why I don’t write anything these days…and I realized it’s been quite a while since I wrote anything. I thought and realized I am loosing this zeal to make memories and save things for future. The reason for me writing this blog is not only to satiate my lust to write but also to make memories…with the things I cried for..things that made me laugh, people I met, those heartbreaks, my anger ..love..my tears. But today, when I could write so much…when so so much is happening in my life I ..in a strange way…am not feeling this need to write or to vent things out.

Few things with which I feel connected…books, music…I pass my days without reading a single page or listening a single song. The book I started some five days back….is still lying on my table with a bookmark on page number 123….and it’s been four days since its been there…on page number 123. And I am suffering from a new disease of forgetting things. I message people and later realize that I have sent a wrong message to the right person. I forget for what purpose I have turned on my laptop. I forget with whom I have to talk about what topic.

There was a time when I used to say that new place would change everything in my life…that it would erase all the bad memories and I would make new memories for myself…and now..when the time has come for me to go to that new place…I feel nothing is going to change. I have always been a victim of mood swings and now when everything is almost finalized…I don’t want to leave this place and move into a new city. This is so irritating…this behavior of mine. I get bore with everything...with messages, chats, phone calls, songs, places, TV channels and now even with these social networking sites. I hung the call in between while talking with someone coz suddenly I start feeling bored of it. I sign out from chat while chatting with all my close friends.

In all these months I never felt this urge to talk with someone….and today a moment came when I felt terribly upset for no certain reason and I wanted to talk with someone…just normal talk… nothing specific….and just when my best friend called I was totally lost and could not utter a single word to him. With him I don’t have to think before speaking…and I was blank and could not say a word.

I don’t know if this is mere stress or I am turning to be of this kind. It the latter becomes true…I am going to hate myself more ….I , anyways, never loved myself!


.