This is not love. But some feeling more pious yet so frustrating. Knowing that the stage is over. Knowing that things have changed.More than friendship yet less than love.
Relations have taken a backseat in my life…still there is one thing I am scared of…losing you at this stage is unaffordable. You know it..don’t you? Things for me are always at their extremes. Either I love someone like insane or that person doesn’t exist for me. There is no going in between for me.
Today I have reached a stage where no one can hurt me…coz for that, a person needs to get close to me…he needs to cross the boundary that I have created around me…a boundary where no one is allowed to enter…neither new nor any old monk. But there is he and he who remain inside. In all these four years of friendship, facing so many ups and downs, between all fight and tears…I was always sure of one thing..that things will get fine! I always knew they will. Then why today I am not sure of it? Why today the feeling of you being always there has vanished? What has happened that has changed so much between us? We still have the same bonding…same level of care and concern for each other…same ‘best buddy’ feeling…then??? Maybe the level of possessiveness I have for you is the problem. Maybe the extreme level of expectation from you and only you is the culprit. But what can I do? You’re the only thing I own today….how can I let you slip through my fingers? How can I share you?
I know this is insanity…I know this would do nothing but add complications….and hence the distances I am trying to create…for you…for me….for our friendship! I don’t want to be a known stranger again! I don’t want to end where I can put a pause and start again. I am giving myself sometime to ponder and to come out from my obsession. I need time but I still expect you to be by my side….I hope you will!