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Friday, June 22, 2012

Coz I have always been a mediocre!

I have always been a mediocre. Average looks, average in studies, average in other activities, average in relations (no..actually I suck in relations). I never did anything that could make me feel proud. I lived a life like millions of people living …actually surviving on this planet. Nothing extraordinary. Nothing different. Nothing which could separate me from the crowd. My parents think I am pretty good in studies, mature and responsible. My friends think I have the potential to do tough things. My colleague thought I am strong and determined. My mentor thought I am made for something bigger. But isn’t what almost all parents, friends, mentor think about their children, friend and students respectively? So, where am I making a difference? Living like a nobody. Will die like a nobody. Not a great daughter, not a loving friend, not a darling best friend, not a caring sister, not an apple of anybody’s eye, not a prolific writer, not a passionate reader, no great ambitions, no great life.

When I look back at these 24 years, I could only see broken relations, tears, my pathetic expectation from people I loved and cared for, expectation to get a place in their life…to be ‘someone’ from a ‘no one’ in their heart, to love and be loved, to be their for them anytime and everytime they needed me and want them to be my side during my lows. To cross any boundary for them coz I loved them, to make my parents understand that I am not a cold-blooded person…I too love them…I too care for them. To make my friends understand that the most important thing I expect from them is truth and honesty. To make my best friend understand that no one is more important to me in this world than him…to make him understand that its a best of friend expecting her best friend to be by her side always….to make my brother understand that I am not as bad as I seem to be, it’s just that I am concerned. I don’t want him to make the same mistakes that I made once.

But I am a mediocre; I can’t even express all this. Such a pathetic loser I am. And I guess it’s over now…the time…to make everyone realize that I exist. Coz no one cares…coz no one cares for a mediocre. Even my cry is like a noise to them now. I guess it’s time to stop trying and make a silent exit from their lives. No more ‘please-try-to-understand’ drama coz no one will. Ever.

P.S: I am not bad. I am just a mediocre. Guess being a mediocre is bad.


5 comments:

Green Speck said...

No one is mediocre..Its how we view ourselves to be..u r a champ if you think so, you are a loser if you imagine so... but then again, life has to be lead in a deserving manner.. why have regrets when you can easily move ahead and change stuffs. We all have the power to change, what we lack is the desire :-) 24 years you rated yourself as a mediocre. Try rating yourself as a champ in the next 4 hours and you will feel the difference :-)

Latent_Thoughts said...

Hi.. take it from a stranger, you are not mediocre..never were never will be !

All that you have expressed takes a very strong will to do so. 24 years who have stood for something, walked with people, given them you best.. that is your achievement..that is your strength your courage. stop pulling yourself down for people who have walked away or did not stand by you. It is their loss.

~TC, LT

Mansi said...

@GS:
thnx! guess I am too vulnerable to feel anything right now!

@LT:
thnx!

Jack said...

Mansi,

What has gone wrong with you? Why have you got into such self pity mode? Each one of us has traits which are unique and others do not have those. Stop thinking is such silly way as I am sure you will leave a big impression in whatever you choose to do. Please sit down calmly and do a SWOT. If you wish, you may write to me at my id given in my profile.

Take care

Mansi said...

@JAck:
thnx Jack...it mean a lot:)