SoMe ReAsOnS To SmIlE

Lyf is a mystery .... no one knows which moment cud bring another disaster......but der are certain moments which were special, are special and will always remain so.......here are some moments close to my heart (dedicated to my best pals)

> a tight hug from geet everytym we meet
> to pakaofy Tanuj wid all silly talks, discuss all fishy things wid him...and den laugh lyk insanes
> to give endless lectures to neha wen everytym she commit the same mistake
> to blackmail anupama emotionally and finally make her ready to go for a movie
> to abuse mayank lyk nething and get d same reply everytym "main to janwar hu"
> to listen to all rubbish talks of ankita without getting any word what shez actually trying to say
> to discuss all senseless "professional problems" with Sankalp bhai but still gt no solution of it
> to jst talk talk and talk about the tym wen we all were together
> to plan a reunion every now n den and end up wid nothing :-(
> a cute sms wen least expected
> to fight wid some n hung up ur cel and decide not to talk to him/her anymore...and after a minute again gt a call from him/her n talk fr another hour
> midnight talks
> yahoo conference and a cup of coffee
> to view all old pics and videos and smile wid tears in eyes
> to get nostalgic after visiting a place whr u had ol d fun wid ur frnds once(Taj mohotsav dis tym...missed u guys)
> to listen a song dedicated by special someone
> to re-read all old chats and conversations
> to find an old note in ur pocket after ages
> wen u desperately wants to talk to someone and find that derz still some balance left in ur cel
> wen sum1 says "sab sai hai...dun wry...m der."
> to wake up in the morning and find dat derz still and hour to sleep
> to realize dat derz still raining outside



We all have millions of reasons to feel sad and cry...still der are some moments which could make u smile for a while....................

Is this the way I am?

I dunn kw y m gettin so obsessed wid things? Why everytym I get close to something I consider it to be mine? And when it go away it gives pain. Why cant I take things normal like others? Why do I become so possessive with anything and everything closely related to me? Why everytime expectations arise to make me crash again in disappointment and regrets? I am fed up and tired of this attitude of mine. For few seconds world seems to be so nice and amusing place to live but within fraction of seconds it looks ugly and repulsive. I need colours... red, blue, orange all around....as I am nauseated with this black n grey..
When most of the world sleeps at night.....I dun feel a drop of dizziness in my eyes...When they smile to see the morning ,I curse it.....When they laugh, I whoop...When they like sunrays, I love moonshine....When they want summer, I pray for winters to come.....when they want silence, I want to shout out loud....When they want to celebrate, I want to mourn.....When they love parties, I prefer graveyards.
I still dont know that world doesnot belongs to me or I do not belong to it? Is there any problem or this is the way I am and will remain lyk this forever? Why I want to over exhaust myself with more and more work? Why loneliness scared me but solitude is my crush? What I actually wants to see everytym I peep into the mirror?
Whats there in those eyes? Why they smile and suddenly shed tears? Why a new phase starts and finally ends up in meeting the previous one? What is the ultimate fate of this life?

Valentine's Day.......worst den eva!!!!!

Woww.....wat a Valentine it is going to be. Superb. Awesome. And as expected. Sunday.....plans ws to wake up late in the morning..den sme tym to freak out wid frnds....yeah...with FRIENDS....but its ok u know...Valetine is not only about so called Lovers....so ..yes.Friends will be fine.Then some shopping(for me offcourse.....yes i love purchasing gifts for myself every valentine....) and then conferencing on messenger wid buddies far away.....If not special then atleast could have made better than other days...



But....Kintu....Parantu....how could I make plans which could turn out to be successful.....Office today.....I mean can u believe....sunday, Valentines day....all d ppl around ll b goin to njoy....and I ws sittin in my office with piles of work on ma table...number of mails in my mailbox...[n dat too all official ones :-( ] .... Ahhh......awesome...wat a life this is.......hell full of shocks (my supervisor calls it Surprise...huhhh)...i mean how god could be so rude.....(ok nw dats a bit of exaggeration) and above all I have to feel "happy happy" all the tym......
Somehow got a half day so decided to cal frnds @ home and to have a sort of pool party.......and guess wat? All of dem r engaged in some or othr work......n m sitting here at my place...listenin to sme freakin music....writtin this crap for no reason... online wen der is no one to talk...i mean no one....not a single person is online except for me.....reason being....yes...dey r not "velle" enough to sit and chat on Valentine's eve atleast..and above all my home has been conquered by my bro's frnds......all 13-14 yrs teenagers.....doing all shity talks n things n irritating me.......Wow...can u expect a sunday + Valetine better den this????? Bugged up

P.S : Just a state of an insane mind!!!

Untitled

I dont know wat has happened but I cant write my thoughts down. A feeling so bizarre has emerged dat pain too has become numb. Days are passing and nights are moving away as if sand fron fist. Want to hold so many moments scattered around. When tryin to catch one, other runs away. Lyf from past few days has took a strange turn, and finding myself walkin on a path known long back. Dont want to answer any question, dont want to think wats right and wrong....just doing wat hearts promt me to. Some sins give more gratification wen done intentionally.