This tryst is making me scared..I dont want this day to come.I dont know why but this time It feels like it is going to be our last meeting which I certainly dont want. we will be meeting after more than a year..but for the first time I am feeling anxious instead of being exicted...I even dont know you want to meet me or not. The day you said you are coming..expectations started building up..i thought I still am special for you...but then...you always clear my doubts when I dont want to...you always show me the real picture when I actually want to live in my dreamland...and hence you proved that I am just like any other person whom you will be meeting this time...your friends, acquaintances, colleagues...everyone...
I have been trying to control my feelings and not to cry for you...and I still am tyring. I have been trying to change myself..but you are my weakness...your avoidance still kills me....I feel scared to get in touch with you, to talk with you...not because that again will lead me to the place you left me...I am still there..standing..waiting for you to come back. The thing which scares me is the way you behave...how can you act so normal? How can you talk to me in a way you talk with everyone else...we share a different relation..a different intensity..we were together once...how can you act like this?
We have no future..but still..I wait for you...for my heart says, things will get fine one day...you will come back one day...but this wait...it kills...it kills me each and every second I live. Live? Dont know whether I should use this word or not..because things really has changed after you left..I am not my usual one...a strange silence I feel all the time inside my soul..an awkwardness retains . I try to act nornal..I really do...but my heart...it fails me...every time I try to smile..try to feel happy....It feels like lyf has become numb,I have become numb...they say I dont give chance to any other person to fill those gaps...but they dont understand that this place is yours...and no one can ever take this place in my life...