Iktara

Very seldom it happens that you watch a movie and its impact lasts for years. Very few characters, in movies or in novels, exist with whom you relate yourself in some way or the other. Wake up Sid. A movie very close to my heart. Every time I see that movie, I feel into it, completely. The protagonist..Aisha, her aspirations, her dreams, her love for writing..to be independent…to live by herself…to cook her own food, to have her own little home, her love for old hindi music..just everything. Somewhere deep inside my heart…I too want a life like this. Simple . I don’t want salary of five figures, huge bungalow, posh colonies to live in…..just a simple life where I can just be myself. A small two room flat, lot of books, music, my work and me.

There is one more similarity…her friend..Sidharth. We share the same age difference, the maturity level, likes and dislikes…though his passion is music and not photography. A mere mention of this movie brings a smile on our face.




And undoubtedly, ‘iktara’ is one of our favorite track.

A Fighter for me

You know the worst feeling in life is not to feel depressed or defeated..It’s the feeling of helplessness. It is too toxic..this feeling of feeling helpless. People say that the person who commits suicide is vulnerable…but I say, he is the person who has gone this feeling to its extreme.

A person who has always been excellent in academics, sports et al, develops an ego or superiority. He has always been at the apex. He only knows what winning is, with no idea of how a person feels when he loses. And then there are people who have always crawled…crawled to compete in this race. A person with no extra caliber..a mediocre which we say. He knows what losing is. He won’t complain if he does not achieve his dream…he won’t utter a word if he is the last person standing in the row..he won’t shatter by a failure..coz he is a fighter. He is a person who knows how to face the complexities of life..he knows to handle his failures….he knows what helplessness is…he knows how it feels when dreams shatter…one after another. He knows to walk alone…to rise after falling. He lives a life with ordinary aspirations…with basic necessities…with small dreams. He seeks happiness in watching birds fly not aircrafts.. in the smile of a baby…in the voice of his spouse and not the noise of cars, in the home of two rooms and not in the house of uncountable rooms. He is away from the tension of EMIs, maintaining social status, social pressure. He is far from the feeling of jealousy and ego…In this race of making a name.He is a person living life on his own terms. He is a person who has created this small world for himself.
Yes, he is a FIGHTER!

“Are you still into it? I thought you moved on! When will this stop? When will you stop doing this to yourself? Understand, this is not solitude. This is not the thing you are meant for! Come out of it. Have you ever noticed, years have passed! You asked for time…its been years now…how much time you need now? Are you listening? Look at your face.. so pale! Why can’t you behave normal? And what exactly you do, sitting whole night in front of your laptop? Your eyes are going weak! You need good sleep. .. . . .”


”What being normal is? Where should I move to move on? How can you measure time with memories? Who will decide what I am meant for? Who will define solitude and bliss?... "

Feel Good :-)

There is this strange bond we develop with few people…even without meeting them. I have always believed that duration of time doesn’t matter in any relation. It is just a matter of click that works. There are people in my life..or better say around me, whom I have known for years, yet not able to connect with them. And then there are people, whom I haven’t even met…but I still feel close to them in some way or the other. I have lost many relations in life…still always blessed with few wonderful people around. I believe in maintaining little but true relations…the reason why my attrition rate of relations is so high. I don’t regret losing any of them today, coz I believe they were just not meant to be in my life…this was how things were planned.

I never loved my city…in fact I sort of hated it..always. In all these 22 years , not for a single day I felt close to this city in any way. But, for the last few days I am feeling a strange connection with this place. Like relations, I believe we connect with things and surroundings as well. Is this place playing its role…making me falling in love with it? Was I blind not to look at the beautiful surrounding here? Or it is the people around me making me fall in love with this place? But, people are same.... surroundings are same…then what has changed? My perception of looking at things? Whatever it was, for today…things are changing…and this time for good I believe.

And then there is one more thing for my calm behavior …the quality time I am spending with myself. And, I believe this is the most important thing to do…to spend some quality time with yourself. The more I am into myself, the less I feel this need to be with someone. And with each passing day, the intensity to be with myself is getting stronger. And I guess this is the core reason for all the "feel good" factor and wonderful surrounding these days.

There comes a phase when even the worst of thing is unable to bring tears in your eyes…even if your worst of nightmare comes true you don’t feel scared or something. You just don’t feel like crying..albeit you know something is just not right….things are not going the way you expected them or planned for…but then your heart refuse to shed a tear…your mind deny to feel anything…and you feel just so neutral about almost everything. And especially for a person like me, it becomes a herculean task to display emotions…and at this stage it is impossible. Over the last few years so many thing has happened in my life that now I don’t feel bad for my broken dreams….for the people I lose…for the things I miss. I would not say that all my dreams are shattered but for now I am left with no dreams. Yes, I don’t have any dream at the moment. Not that I don’t want to but it’s just that whenever I close my eyes to think of something , all I can see is darkness….darkness with no horizon. Is darkness is the thing I dream of? Could be!
But as the time has passed…I have realized one thing…that I am becoming stronger with each passing day…mentally…emotionally. I don’t feel this need to talk with someone or to have someone by my side when I feel low. There is a part of my heart which gives me strength enough to fight with anything and everything which comes in my way and try to make me go week. My life is not all that smooth I know….and its going to be more rough further…but when you are left with no other option, you have to stand and fight. This is the only way to deal with the things….and so I am ready for every fight…no matter I win or lose. Today, when people ask questions, I don’t feel this need to clarify my stance…coz that is not important….till I know whatever I am doing is right and justified. The only person I am answerable to is myself.
In whatever situation I am today, it is because of the decisions I took and hence I don’t blame anyone for this. I am glad that my father always asked me to take my own decisions and never interfered or questioned my deeds. I am glad that whatever I am today and whatever I will be…I’ll be happy at least ,coz If I created problems for my life then I’ll be the one sorting them out.
I don’t know about tomorrow, but for today….I am ready!

These Nights!!!

I don’t like sleeping at night...I am in love with them...the nights....they are so beautiful..hide so many mysteries beneath its darkness...they make those shinning stars look more beautiful...they are so calm and tranquil... makes every heart feel pacified...the nights. Have you ever noticed them? Have you ever walked bare feet in the moonlight? Have u ever smelled fragrance so soothing than this? Have you ever asked question, which your heart always asks you, to this night? Yes, they answer all...these nights.
They make you remember the best of moments of your life...they make the music sound even more magical. They hide the flaw of moon and make it the best of beauty in the world. You think its the moon which looks beautiful? Nah...It’s the night which makes it so.
They are so expressive..so pure. …the time when you are just yourself…free and far from the fake world…the time you spend with your inner-self or the person you are in love with. You don’t have to camouflage anything from yourself or anyone…coz at this time…you are just YOU.




Yes, I am in love…with these nights!!!